Would I do it again?

During this hospital stay, I have had a lot of time to reflect and hopefully, gain a greater insight to what the future holds. I have at times been criticized for putting my health at risk to have my beautiful daughter. Anyone that has met my daughter soon stops the criticism. It is mostly those that do not share my beliefs. I know that she is the greatest blessing from God that I have received and although it was difficult to get her here, she literally saved my life. A couple years ago I read an article in the Ensign that I really connected with. It explains my feelings very well. It comes from the Feb. 2006 Ensign from President James E. Faust. It reads:

"A teacher, conducting a class, said it was unwise ever to attempt, even to permit them [the Martin handcart company] to come across the plains under such conditions.”
Then President McKay quoted an observer who was present in that class: “Some sharp criticism of the Church and its leaders was being indulged in for permitting any company of converts to venture across the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart caravan afforded.
“An old man in the corner … sat silent and listened as long as he could stand it, then he arose and said things that no person who heard him will ever forget. His face was white with emotion, yet he spoke calmly, deliberately, but with great earnestness and sincerity.
“In substance [he] said, ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts mean nothing here, for they give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it and Sister Nellie Unthank whom you have cited was there, too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? …
“ ‘I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’ ”
He continues: “ ‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.
“ ‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.’ ” 1

This is how I feel to all those who question what I have done to bring my daughter here. I would do it all again if I knew that was the Lords will. I know that He lets us know what and when things need to happen and I only pray that I can be in tune enough to here the call. I would like to change this part of the quote "Was I sorry that I chose to have Cambree? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to "bring Cambree into the world."


I guess I have been thinking about this more and more because Cambree is nearing her 4th birthday. I look at her and wonder where has the time gone? She is such an amazingly beautiful, spirited little girl and I am so blessed to call her mine. She makes the sun shine.

My cup runneth over

I absolutley love the movie Hope Floats and love when the grandma says "my cup runneth over" I often feel this way about my life. I have been incredibly blessed with such an amazing husband, and beautiful daughter. It is hard to put into words the love that I have for them. I am sure that all of you feel this way about your spouses and children. Last night as they left from a weekend at the hospital I was so overjoyed with the weekend we had had together. I was sad to have them go but I felt so full of love for them and from them. It definitely isnt easy being in the hospital, Ben does so much while I am gone. He is mom and dad and he does it perfectly. When hospital workers see him lying on the floor next to my bed they all just think he is so awesome. A few have said, "you know most guys wouldnt do that." Yes believe me I know. And then Cambree having her bed in the shower. I know it sounds awful but it works for us. This way the nurses wont bother her when they come in to change my meds. We have just grown accustom to our life in the hospital however often it may be. I know that it effects everyone more than they let on. Cambree is such a happy girl, but when she comes and hugs me for 10 min. after not seeing me all week I know that this is effecting her more than previously thought and it breaks my heart. I always wonder when she is going to realize that other moms don't do this. She is amazing though and is very resiliant. I know I am pretty much rambling but I just wanted to share some of the great things I have been feeling this weekend. I wish I had a camera so I could take a pic of before Ben shows up for the weekend and after. While I am here I get pretty cluttered and the first thing he does is just clean it all up before he even sits down. Then right before he leaves he does the same thing. It is just those little things along with the great things that mean so much to me and show the great love that he has for me. We had such great pillow talk this past weekend. It was awesome. Ben and I as most of you know are talkers, we talk all of the time, but it is those deep conversations that really bring people closer together. I just really enjoyed that time we shared and can't wait to go home.

An interesting turn of events

I know it has been quite some time since I have posted. Our lives have been crazy the past couple of weeks. First off for those of you that arent familiar with Bens family situation, his mom had him when she was 17 and he has never known his father. He knew his name but that was all. He had been into drugs and became schizophrenic and his mom thought it best that he wasnt in their lives. The morning of Jan. 25 I received a phone call from his aunt letting me know that his Grandma had just read his fathers obituary in the paper http://www.legacy.com/saltlaketribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=101840408 I called Ben and let him know and we read the obituary. We were surprised that Ben was named in it. He had apparantly died on the 18th and they were just having the funeral on the 26th. I thought for sure that Ben wouldnt even consider going. I asked him and he said he was thinking about it. I thought that he should to get closure and to even just learn a little more aobut a man that he never knew. Amazingly from the obituary so many of his attributes could be linked to Ben as well. I think this had an affect on him. He wasnt sure why he was feeling a sense of loss when there was never any relationship to begin with. I encouraged Ben to go, but knew that it had to be his decision. He prayed about it and felt that he should go. I was very nervous as we were driving to Salt Lake. His grandma came with us and Ben felt fine until we pulled into the church. He then started to feel a little nervous. He really didnt want anyone to notice him or ask who he was. He just wanted to go listen and leave with no contact or introductions. He had never met any of these people. When we got there we looked at the program and they had Ben listed as a pallbearer. He said that he didnt feel comfortable doing that. We sat through the funeral which was very nice and we found out that Kevin (Bens dad) had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. At the end of the funeral the bishop stood up and announced the pallbearer. He said, "Ben, Kevins biological son who couldnt be here today. Ben was relieved. We thought we would get out unnoticed. We headed out and down the sidewalk. Everyone was grouped together and it was very hard to get through. Ben was keeping his distance from his grandma because he thought that Kevins mom would recognize her and connect the two. In the meantime I am praying silently that if we are supposed to meet these people that someone will recognize him. Remember they have never seen Ben before. 30 seconds later the oldest sister comes running up to him, "Are you? Are you him?" She then had tears streaming down her face. Ben shook his head and she gave him the biggest hug. I of course got choked up. The next few minutes are almost a blur. Ben describes it as feeling like Britney Spears with the paparazzi. There was constant yelling from various people, "This is Benjamin! Here's Benjamin! Benjamin's here! Its Kevins son!" We then found out that they had been searching for him for a very long time. One of the cousins was searching through old Cottonwood High School year books thinking that was where he graduated from. They had googled his name in many different ways not knowing what his last name was, thinking it was Pehrson but of course spelling it wrong. We then went to the graveside where they asked Ben to dedicate the grave. Which was a bit overwhelming for Ben. He graciously declined. After the dedication of the grave we went back and had lunch with them all. They were the nicest people and radiated the love that they have for Ben. You could tell that they loved him and that they have loved him all his life without even knowing him. It was such a surreal experience and I am so glad that we were able to go and that the Lord lead us there. We have spoken with the cousins a couple times and hope to continue to get to know them better. So all in all it was an amazing experience. Then this week after feeling great for the past month I began to get very sick Saturday night and ended up in the hospital on Tuesday. I am hoping it is only a two week visit but we will see what happens. Sorry this post is so long, but just thought I would share our amazing experience. Hope all is well with all of you!

Our Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. Cambree was so fun. I actually woke up at 6:00 woke Ben up and then went and got up my tired girl. I was just too excited to go back to sleep. I am so the little kid that I always was.


Here is Cambree in her beautiful new Christmas dress that I totally got a great deal on. I love bargain shopping.



I thought this was a better pic, but didnt show the whole dress.


Santa was very good to this little girl this year. She is always so spoiled once we have gone to all the Grandparents houses.


Mom and Cambree in our new robes.


Cambree and daddy in the sled that dad gave her. She gets pulled behind Dad's new 4-wheeler. Yes we were all very spoiled.



Christmas decorations went up a bit early this year. I ended up putting them up the week before Thanksgiving. I just couldnt resist. I equate it to the fact that I didnt really get to celebrate or decorate last year. I was in the hospital from Nov. 3 out for a week for thanksgiving back in on Dec 1 until Dec. 20th. Ben waited to decorate the tree until I got home. This year I just needed to be surrounded by all that I missed last year and I enjoyed every minute of it. Here are some pictures.




Here is our tree. I love our tree. It mostly has ornaments that Ben and I picked out when we were first married, but also some from when I was growing up. It now has the addition of Cambree ornaments. I give her a new ornament every year. I just love that it is fun and beautiful all at once.




This is my newest addition to my Santa Claus collection. My aunt makes us a new Santa Claus every year. I treasure them. If any of you know my aunt you know that this can't be easy for her. She is so crippled from arthritis. It amazes me. I have I think 7 now and each one has its own look.



I found this ornament in Pittsburgh when we went and I had to have it. My grandpa died 2 years ago and coke will forever remind me of him. He always had to have his coke.


This is a santa from quite a few years ago. Arent they amazing?

It's my party...

No I'm not going to cry and I'm not really having a party. Yes, I will later post about Christmas and the great time we had, but today is my birthday so it is all about me. HA! I am not sure if everyone is like me, but for me it is a time of reflection. What have I really accomplished in the past 28 years? Well I am going to give the top 28 stupidest/funniest things I have done thus far. In no particular order: (these really are great accomplishments.) 1-Annie and I at about 16 got pulled over by the police while riding a 4-wheeler, he told us to go home and park it because it wasnt registered. We being the bright girls we are decided we would go ride up Fairview Heights, unfortunately our plans went terribly awry when the officer was then seen up Fairview Heights on our way back down. We then ducked out of site at an old ladies house. We had to call my dad to come and get us and drive the 4 wheeler home. 2-While in Elementary, we'll say 4th grade, I drank 10 cartons of milk and thought it would be fun to roll down the school hill. Thus ending up in the bathroom puking my guts out. 3- Driving in Kevyns yellow bug with Jake and Kevyn down into Polygamy ville and shouting bring out your wives. Then while on the same drive finding a lowsome sheep and dooring it. We were cruel. 4- Going to a haunted house with Kevyn, Jake, Clint, and Annie only to have to pee right before we enter. Going through the huanted house literally scared the pee out of me. I swore each of them to secrecy. 5-While working at RISE locking one of my kids (disabled mind you) in the car along with my keys. It took nearly 20 min. to be able to get Conner to unlock the doors. 6- Again while working at RISE and out to lunch with co workers being so disgusted with our waiter and by the waiters own carelessness we took the cheese grater from Olive Garden. I have felt more guilt over that than anything. ;) 7- At last minute being asked to play at the Fairview City 24th of July softball tournament. Literally woken up 5 minutes before I was up to bat. I get to the field, I'm up to bat. I hit the ball and begin running at what I felt was a pretty quick pace having just woken up, only to have my legs completely give out on me and I fall on my face. What a wonderful moment. 8-One summer night putting on a scary wig and running down mainstreet like the hunchback of Notre Dame. While Annie, Emily, and Brandi laugh hysterically. 9-Putting ice in my bra with Stacey and Breanne doing the same while in Middle School thinking that it would make our boobs bigger. 10-Riding a sheep while out in Jericho with Jenny at age 14. 11-Riding a 4-wheeler with Kevyn. WE drove up Fairview Heights and I saw a path that people took and thought it looked like a fun jump. I decided that I should go as fast as I could up the path. I know I got to a least 30 when the steering wheel turned off the path and we flew airborne and hit a tree. Kevyn still has the scar to prove it. 12-Those that were there know it as the Beasty boy night. Lets just say This night never should have happened and it was only the 2nd boy I ever kissed. I then proceeded to drive to Fairview after no sleep to go with my dad and the fam to Hawaii. I barely remember the drive there and I was driving. This could possibly be the stupidest thing I ever did. 13-While in Elementary putting change in my mouth and then choking on a nickel. 14-Telling everyone at school that we saw leprachauns. Granted it was St. Patricks day. I even wrote it in my journal that I had seen leprachauns. I was 10. 15-Waking up on my birthday morning and giving myself spankings (no it wasnt this morning) 16-Another RISE moment, while driving and getting paged rearending the guy in front of me. This wouldnt be that funny had the guy not gotten out and said, "Did you see the peacock?" In his hispanic accent. It took everything I had to control my laughter. "Nope no peacock for me. Who should we call?" "Oh we don't need to call its fine, not much damage." I proceed to get back in the car thinking suite yourself, as he drives off with what was once a red bumper that is now white. 17-While in the hospital the male nurse came into change my medicine. I was sleeping and woke up abruptly grabbing his arm with both my hands and scaring the poor man to death. 18-While 6 months pregnant having Ben pull off in Walmart parking lot so I could puke my guts out. Those poor people that had to see that scene. 19-This is probably the most recent that I can think of. While watching my young women play basketball (which is absolutley hilarious mind you) Janet, our new secretary and myself yelled so loud we stopped the entire action on and off the court. It resumed rather quickly, but was one of my more embarrasing moments. 20-While in 8th grade I had some terrible bowel troubles and was quite constipated, my mom told me that she had to run some errands and that the doctor would be calling. When the phone rang I answered. The man on the other line asked for my mom. "Shes not here right now but she wanted me to ask you about the constipation I have been having. I haven't gone to the bathroom for a couple days" (this is very rare in CF people) Answer: "OH I am really sorry to here this, but this is George Bench." (A family friend that I have known all my life.) I swear the color drained from my face and had I been able to I would have crapped my pants. 21-Along those same lines, it was my 16th birthday and of course the 16th is always a big one. I was going to have a party with most of my friends, boys and girls and was really looking forward to it. Well for a few days I yet again hadn't gone to the bathroom. I then ended up having to take what is called fleets. The best way to describe it is like drinking cherry cooking oil. It is nasty and I would nearly throw up every time I drank. I had to drink 1/2 a cup every 30 minutes until it was gone. It is a gallon of this crap. By 5:00p.m. there was still no bathroom action. I was afraid it would happen when all my friends were there. When you got to go you got to go, especially after drinking this stuff. My mom asked me to take my sister down to her friends that lived about 3 blocks away. I got in the car dropped her off and on the way back felt this gurgling in my stomach. I put my foot to the floor and was going nearly 50 home. TOO LATE!!!! I literally crapped my pants. It was horrible. It is definitley hilarious now, but at the time I was mortified. 22-When I was about 5 years old I was in the store with my mom. I turned around to look at something and when I turned back I went and grabbed my "mom's" purse and said, " Oh this is a nice purse." Needless to say it wasnt my mom, but some woman I still remember looking like a witch. 23-Since we are on bathroom stories. At 34 weeks pregnant I was induced to have Cambree. I had been in the labor and delivery room for a couple hours while they were doing there thing to get me to go into labor. This is a process by the way. I was taken in at 9:00 p.m. and no real action until well into the morning, although I had contractions all night. I stood up to go and change my clothes and leaked all over the floor. We thought for sure that my water had broke. OH don't worry it wasnt my amniotic fluid... 24-Ben came home from work one day with a trick up his sleeve, literally. He came towards me as I was sitting on the couch. I looked at his arm that he had extended and saw a snake head poking at, as it got closer the screaming (my screaming) was uncontrollable, I grabbed the snake and chucked it across the room, it hitting the wall. It was at that moment that I realized it was made of wood. 25-While at college sitting in Bens room, we had just eaten lunch. I gave a big yawn with my huge mouth. Ben proceeded to stick his finger in my mouth, thus gagging me. I dry heaved, laughed, and asked if I could do it to him. "No, way." my response, "Okay, do it to me again." Ben proceeded. He stuck his finger in so far and twanged the little node at the back of my throat. I contined to gag until suddenly a warmth came upheaving from my stomach. Ben plunged my mouth shut with his finger and held me off of the bed over the floor. He released and puke was everywhere. Disclaimer: Ben said that this sounds like we were doing something bad by being in his room. I promise all was well. 26-While Ben was on his mission, I bought the center pieces and then bought the dress nearly a year before he ever got home. We were married within 6 weeks. 27-When I was 7 years old, I was still wetting the bed. At that time they had fantastic little pills that if I just took it before bed I had no problems. I was sleeping at my friends house and forgot to take the fantastic little pill. My friend and I had decided to trade sleeping bags for the night. When I awoke I found that her sleeping bag and myself were drenched. I stayed in that sleeping bag all morning until it was dry. I then proceeded to roll it up, put it away in her closet and leave. My regards go out to whomever opened that thing next. 28- Last, but certainly not least. One time while in the hospital and near the beginning of the oxygen days I got off the bed suddenly to grab something and was quickly yanked back by my nostrils like a dog that forgot he was connected to a leash going after a car. Ben and I both had a great laugh. So there is my list. I am sure that each of you could add more stories. I am sorry that a lot of them had to do with the loss of control of my bodily functions. I thank you all for your friendships and am so amazed at the great life that I have had thus far. I am so very blessed. Things don't always turn out the way we think they will but it has been more amazing than I could have ever dreamed. I pray I have 28 more years to tell stupid stories about and then some.

For my own sake

As I watch this little slide show that I have put together, I see how sad the "cake" looks that Cambree had for her birthday. Ice cream with candles, are you kidding me? Well to clarify that was on her birthday, but for her party which was themed Minnie Mouse, this was the cake. Just so you all don't think I am totally pathetic, okay I am sure none of you thought that, like I said for my own sake.

Unfortunately we took this picture 2 min. too late. If you look closely you will see finger swipes where Cambree wanted to taste every color.

The year in review...and then some