It's my party...

No I'm not going to cry and I'm not really having a party. Yes, I will later post about Christmas and the great time we had, but today is my birthday so it is all about me. HA! I am not sure if everyone is like me, but for me it is a time of reflection. What have I really accomplished in the past 28 years? Well I am going to give the top 28 stupidest/funniest things I have done thus far. In no particular order: (these really are great accomplishments.) 1-Annie and I at about 16 got pulled over by the police while riding a 4-wheeler, he told us to go home and park it because it wasnt registered. We being the bright girls we are decided we would go ride up Fairview Heights, unfortunately our plans went terribly awry when the officer was then seen up Fairview Heights on our way back down. We then ducked out of site at an old ladies house. We had to call my dad to come and get us and drive the 4 wheeler home. 2-While in Elementary, we'll say 4th grade, I drank 10 cartons of milk and thought it would be fun to roll down the school hill. Thus ending up in the bathroom puking my guts out. 3- Driving in Kevyns yellow bug with Jake and Kevyn down into Polygamy ville and shouting bring out your wives. Then while on the same drive finding a lowsome sheep and dooring it. We were cruel. 4- Going to a haunted house with Kevyn, Jake, Clint, and Annie only to have to pee right before we enter. Going through the huanted house literally scared the pee out of me. I swore each of them to secrecy. 5-While working at RISE locking one of my kids (disabled mind you) in the car along with my keys. It took nearly 20 min. to be able to get Conner to unlock the doors. 6- Again while working at RISE and out to lunch with co workers being so disgusted with our waiter and by the waiters own carelessness we took the cheese grater from Olive Garden. I have felt more guilt over that than anything. ;) 7- At last minute being asked to play at the Fairview City 24th of July softball tournament. Literally woken up 5 minutes before I was up to bat. I get to the field, I'm up to bat. I hit the ball and begin running at what I felt was a pretty quick pace having just woken up, only to have my legs completely give out on me and I fall on my face. What a wonderful moment. 8-One summer night putting on a scary wig and running down mainstreet like the hunchback of Notre Dame. While Annie, Emily, and Brandi laugh hysterically. 9-Putting ice in my bra with Stacey and Breanne doing the same while in Middle School thinking that it would make our boobs bigger. 10-Riding a sheep while out in Jericho with Jenny at age 14. 11-Riding a 4-wheeler with Kevyn. WE drove up Fairview Heights and I saw a path that people took and thought it looked like a fun jump. I decided that I should go as fast as I could up the path. I know I got to a least 30 when the steering wheel turned off the path and we flew airborne and hit a tree. Kevyn still has the scar to prove it. 12-Those that were there know it as the Beasty boy night. Lets just say This night never should have happened and it was only the 2nd boy I ever kissed. I then proceeded to drive to Fairview after no sleep to go with my dad and the fam to Hawaii. I barely remember the drive there and I was driving. This could possibly be the stupidest thing I ever did. 13-While in Elementary putting change in my mouth and then choking on a nickel. 14-Telling everyone at school that we saw leprachauns. Granted it was St. Patricks day. I even wrote it in my journal that I had seen leprachauns. I was 10. 15-Waking up on my birthday morning and giving myself spankings (no it wasnt this morning) 16-Another RISE moment, while driving and getting paged rearending the guy in front of me. This wouldnt be that funny had the guy not gotten out and said, "Did you see the peacock?" In his hispanic accent. It took everything I had to control my laughter. "Nope no peacock for me. Who should we call?" "Oh we don't need to call its fine, not much damage." I proceed to get back in the car thinking suite yourself, as he drives off with what was once a red bumper that is now white. 17-While in the hospital the male nurse came into change my medicine. I was sleeping and woke up abruptly grabbing his arm with both my hands and scaring the poor man to death. 18-While 6 months pregnant having Ben pull off in Walmart parking lot so I could puke my guts out. Those poor people that had to see that scene. 19-This is probably the most recent that I can think of. While watching my young women play basketball (which is absolutley hilarious mind you) Janet, our new secretary and myself yelled so loud we stopped the entire action on and off the court. It resumed rather quickly, but was one of my more embarrasing moments. 20-While in 8th grade I had some terrible bowel troubles and was quite constipated, my mom told me that she had to run some errands and that the doctor would be calling. When the phone rang I answered. The man on the other line asked for my mom. "Shes not here right now but she wanted me to ask you about the constipation I have been having. I haven't gone to the bathroom for a couple days" (this is very rare in CF people) Answer: "OH I am really sorry to here this, but this is George Bench." (A family friend that I have known all my life.) I swear the color drained from my face and had I been able to I would have crapped my pants. 21-Along those same lines, it was my 16th birthday and of course the 16th is always a big one. I was going to have a party with most of my friends, boys and girls and was really looking forward to it. Well for a few days I yet again hadn't gone to the bathroom. I then ended up having to take what is called fleets. The best way to describe it is like drinking cherry cooking oil. It is nasty and I would nearly throw up every time I drank. I had to drink 1/2 a cup every 30 minutes until it was gone. It is a gallon of this crap. By 5:00p.m. there was still no bathroom action. I was afraid it would happen when all my friends were there. When you got to go you got to go, especially after drinking this stuff. My mom asked me to take my sister down to her friends that lived about 3 blocks away. I got in the car dropped her off and on the way back felt this gurgling in my stomach. I put my foot to the floor and was going nearly 50 home. TOO LATE!!!! I literally crapped my pants. It was horrible. It is definitley hilarious now, but at the time I was mortified. 22-When I was about 5 years old I was in the store with my mom. I turned around to look at something and when I turned back I went and grabbed my "mom's" purse and said, " Oh this is a nice purse." Needless to say it wasnt my mom, but some woman I still remember looking like a witch. 23-Since we are on bathroom stories. At 34 weeks pregnant I was induced to have Cambree. I had been in the labor and delivery room for a couple hours while they were doing there thing to get me to go into labor. This is a process by the way. I was taken in at 9:00 p.m. and no real action until well into the morning, although I had contractions all night. I stood up to go and change my clothes and leaked all over the floor. We thought for sure that my water had broke. OH don't worry it wasnt my amniotic fluid... 24-Ben came home from work one day with a trick up his sleeve, literally. He came towards me as I was sitting on the couch. I looked at his arm that he had extended and saw a snake head poking at, as it got closer the screaming (my screaming) was uncontrollable, I grabbed the snake and chucked it across the room, it hitting the wall. It was at that moment that I realized it was made of wood. 25-While at college sitting in Bens room, we had just eaten lunch. I gave a big yawn with my huge mouth. Ben proceeded to stick his finger in my mouth, thus gagging me. I dry heaved, laughed, and asked if I could do it to him. "No, way." my response, "Okay, do it to me again." Ben proceeded. He stuck his finger in so far and twanged the little node at the back of my throat. I contined to gag until suddenly a warmth came upheaving from my stomach. Ben plunged my mouth shut with his finger and held me off of the bed over the floor. He released and puke was everywhere. Disclaimer: Ben said that this sounds like we were doing something bad by being in his room. I promise all was well. 26-While Ben was on his mission, I bought the center pieces and then bought the dress nearly a year before he ever got home. We were married within 6 weeks. 27-When I was 7 years old, I was still wetting the bed. At that time they had fantastic little pills that if I just took it before bed I had no problems. I was sleeping at my friends house and forgot to take the fantastic little pill. My friend and I had decided to trade sleeping bags for the night. When I awoke I found that her sleeping bag and myself were drenched. I stayed in that sleeping bag all morning until it was dry. I then proceeded to roll it up, put it away in her closet and leave. My regards go out to whomever opened that thing next. 28- Last, but certainly not least. One time while in the hospital and near the beginning of the oxygen days I got off the bed suddenly to grab something and was quickly yanked back by my nostrils like a dog that forgot he was connected to a leash going after a car. Ben and I both had a great laugh. So there is my list. I am sure that each of you could add more stories. I am sorry that a lot of them had to do with the loss of control of my bodily functions. I thank you all for your friendships and am so amazed at the great life that I have had thus far. I am so very blessed. Things don't always turn out the way we think they will but it has been more amazing than I could have ever dreamed. I pray I have 28 more years to tell stupid stories about and then some.