So forgive me, I'm currently on ambien and should just go to bed. I have all these thoughts running through my mind and I need to get them out. I'm sitting here watching Gene Simmons family jewels (my guilty pleasure). And they are dealing with a lot of hard issues for marriage. Gene had to write shannons eulogy as part of the healing process. Anyway, throughout this day I have thought greatly about all of the family support that I am given, especially when I am in the hospital. I sit and look at the pictures I have of my beautiful family and I wonder how I got to be where I am. I am so very blessed. I sit in this small hospital room left with my thoughts and I pray that my family knows the sheer joy and love that they bring to me. More importantly I hope they know the undescribable love and overwhelming bliss that I have for having each one of them in my life. They make my life bright when I didn't know it was dark.
For Ben, I never believed that true love was possible and that it was only something dreams and fairytales were made of. I never could have imagined how amazing our life would turn out. We are truly blessed. My life is truly enriched because of you. It s because of you that I am able to see the worth that I possess and I am grateful to you for that. Our love continues to grow each day and there are times I look at you when you aren't looking and I smile. That smile represents all that we have been through and the excitement that lies before us. You make every moment more full.
My sweet Cambree, you have given me a gift that I didnt know I needed. The gift of perseverance. I didn't know bringing you here was going to be filled with such trial and triumph. I am so grateful for the experiences I had. Through those trials, they have helped me know my Savior better and trust in Him completely. I'm grateful for your sweet spirit and your bigger than life attitude. The love I have for you makes me weep sometimes for the overabbundance of joy and worry I feel for you. You have had to deal with so much at such a young age, yet you still have such a love and zest for life. The care that i see you give your brother makes my heart happy. I pray that you will always watch out or him. You amaze me everyday and I am so thankful that I get to raise such a bright, loving, caring little munchkin!
Baby boy Lawson, I struggled for many years trying to bring you here and seeing you born was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. It was as if a weight was taken from my shoulder and I knew that you were the missing piece to the puzzle of our family! I often wondered, already having such a beautiful love for your sister if we would be able to make that connection with you. The first time I laid eyes on you I was smitten. Sometimes I feel as if though our souls connect and no words need to be spoken. You are my bubbers and I try to not miss a moment of all the changes that occur daily. Eleven moths have already passed and yet it seems like ive only blinked and suddenly you aren't a baby anymore. I want to capture every moment. Your personality is hilarious and I can't wait to see what awaits you. I pray that both you and your sis will love the lord as your dad and I do and know of the gospels truthfulness for yourself.
Please know as your mother I will always do my best to take care of my health so I can be here for all of you. I do it for each of you. I work hard for you Cambree, Lawson and Ben. Without y'all I would have nothing. I know that my strength comes from each of you and I am so grateful for the support you each give me. I Pray my children will always come to me if questions arise about life, friends, and my health. I'm always here and will always be honest with you. I pray that you all can feel the love that I have bursting from within me for you.
I look at my life, and I want for nothing! I am so blessed.
Monday, October 17, 2011
What would I say?
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Measuring
I often wonder, what is so great about me? What do I do that's so special? I find it hard to take a compliment and have been known to criticize myself due to comparisons that I make to others. Through these comparisons I find myself not measuring up, although I'm the only one with the measuring stick (that I often beat myself with). Im no "super mom". My house is often a mess, I have no real crafts that I'm good at, and let's face it, the sewing gene slipped right through my fingers. I think about these things and I see and am in awe of the amazing things others can do and think to myself, if only... Then through an amazing talk given by an incredible man and with a heart yearning to find contentment I found just what I needed to hear.
This October during General Conference I heard a talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that spoke to my very soul and brought tears of gratitude to my eyes. Gratitude for the feeling that this talk was meant specifically for me. As I read it again today, I felt that same gratitude. One part that struck me the most was this:
"God knows that some of the greatest souls who have ever lived are those who will never appear in the chronicles of history. They are the blessed, humble souls who emulate the Savior’s example and spend the days of their lives doing good."
To read the full talk go here http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng
I pray that I can be that example. I know that without God I am nothing, but with him I have everything.
