A Humbling Moment

The Saturday before Easter Cambree was asking about dying and was upset that everybody dies. We tried to explain it as best we could and I think we put her mind at ease a little. Then came Easter and on Monday after Easter for Family home Evening we watched Faith in Christ which portrays the Crucifixion. Not as intensely as the Lamb of God movie but it does show things that make me want to cry. That night Cambree seemed fine and we asked her if she had any questions. She said she didn't. Then Tuesday night came and Ben was playing basketball late so I let Cambree lay by me and go to sleep until her dad came home to take her to her bed. This is our conversation: Mom: Honey are you okay? (she was acting sad) Cambree:(starting to cry) I just didn't want Jesus to die? Mom: Oh babe, its okay everybody dies and that isn't a bad thing. Cambree: But I just didn't want him to die (crying harder now) Mom: I know honey, but do you know what the coolest thing about his death is? He died because He loves us so much and He made it so we can live with Heavenly Father and Him again and that we can live together as a family forever even after we die. Cambree: But I just want Him here with us. Mom: He is here with us, we may not be able to see him but we can feel him and know that he is here. Cambree: I just want him to be alive. Mom: Honey he is alive. He lives. Remember what happened 3 days after he died. Cambree: He was resurrected Mom: Yes, and what does that mean? Cambree: That he is alive. Mom: Exactly, is something else bothering you? Cambree: I just didn't want them to put those nails in his hands. Mom: Oh I know honey, they were so mean to him. That is why we need to be nice to everyone and we need to make sure that when someone is being mean to someone else that we tell them to stop. Can you do that? Can you be my brave girl? Cambree: Yes, I will. Mom: You are the sweetest girl At this point I had tears in my eyes. This conversation went on for about 15 minutes. It was amazing to hear the love that my 4 nearly 5 year old daughter has for our Savior. It was such a testimony builder to me to see the Crucifixion through her eyes. If only everyone in the world could have this realization. I am sure there are adults that haven't put as much thought into it as she has. She is wise beyond her years and teaches us everyday. I am so thankful for her and to watch as her little testimony continues to grow and nourish. I just pray that I am doing what I need to be doing and teaching her in the way that is pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

In a Funk

Do you ever feel like you are in a funk? I have felt this way for quite sometime now. I am not quite sure why. I think it may have something to do with this being the month of all the craziness that occured 5 years ago. I always seem to remember day by day what occurred. I dont try to, I just do. I asked Ben if he does and he said no, maybe it is just a girl thing. Or maybe when your life is nearly taken you dont forget that very easily. This time of year just reminds me of all that I have been through. I am so grateful for where I am, but yet at this point I just thought maybe things would be a bit different. My baby is nearly 5 and I cant quite get a handle on that. I love watching her grow and see who she is becoming, but I hate that she is growing up. I can hardly find the motivation to exercise anymore. I was doing so well with P90X and now I just cant seem to have a desire. Granted I still exercise at least twice a week, but it used to be 4-5 and I know I need to get back to that. I guess since Feb. of last year when I decided to start doing a more extensive workout I felt like I would see changes in my CF. I have definitely seen changes physically, but not with my CF. I felt like I received so many answers from the Lord back in Feb. of 08 and yet none of those answers seem to be happening. I know I need to be patient. My time and His time are completely different, I just get frustrated and feel as if my faith must definitely be lacking. I dont question the Lord, I question myself. I know I am just rambling now, but I just have so many things going through my mind. I see so many around me having babies and/or being pregnant and I am so happy for them and I just want to be able to do that for myself again without risking my health or my life. Then I see others that arent even able to have their own and I feel so ungrateful that I am not just satisfied with my beautiful baby girl. I know that I am so blessed. Sometimes I look at my life, I look at Ben and Cambree and I think what on earth more do I need. I have a wonderful loving and caring husband and a beautiful daughter and my CF really hasnt progressed in quite sometime. I am truly a blessed person so why am I in a funk? I really wish I knew how to get out of it.