Tender Moments

Tonight I had the pleasure of having dinner with my wonderful husband and beautiful daughter, no not at home as hoped but in the Cafeteria of the hospital. What more could a girl ask for? I have been assured that I will go home tomorrow. As we were sitting there, Cambree doing her special show for us a song came on over the overhead that I hadn't heard for a while. It is truly one of my favorites and one that I associate with my daughter. I told her to listen to the song because it reminded me of her. As I listened to the words with her eyes smiling at me, tears began to well up in my eyes. I looked at my husband and tears were also welling up in his eyes. It was a special moment and a great reminder that no matter the ups and downs that our little family is asked to deal with we are so incredibly blessed that only tears of joy can explain. In My Daughter's Eyes In my daughter's eyes I am a hero I am strong and wise and I know no fear But the truth is plain to see She was sent to rescue me I see who I wanna be In my daughter's eyes In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal Darkness turns to light and theworld is at peace This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak I find reason to believe In my daughter's eyes And when she wraps her hand around my finger Oh it puts a smile in my heart Everything becomes a little clearer I realize what life is all about It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough It's giving more when you feel like giving up I've seen the light It's in my daugter's eyes In my daughter's eyes I can see the future A reflection of who I am and what will be Though she'll grow and someday leave Maybe raise a family When I'm gone I hope you see how happyshe made me For I'll be there In my daughter's eyes And as I read these words again the same emotions overwhelm me.

My Talk

Well I was not able to get out of the hospital in time to give my talk but the Stake Pres. still asked if I would have someone read it. I asked my oldest brother who is also my bishop. I am still residing in the east wing of this lovely palace. I have no idea when I will get out but if you feel up to reading here is my talk. Also if you still want to leave your email for when I go private you can. I will be changing in a few days to a week. D&C 98 v 2-3Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord. As many of you know I was born with a disease called Cystic Fibrosis. Due to this I have had to be hospitalized many times. In Feb. of this year I got very sick and ended up going in the hospital. It seems that most of my clarity comes while I am there. Maybe that is why I go in so frequently, the lord is just trying to teach me a few things. Before this hospital stay I received a blessing and in it I was told that I needed to take this time I was given to really know what I needed to be doing in my life. Usually I am told I will get better and it will be a short stay so I was a little taken a back by this and didnt quite know what to think. I decided to engulf myself full bore into what I was told. I seldom watched Tv during the day which usually in the hospital this is all I do just to relieve the quiet. I read many talks and prayed more earnestly than I had in a while. After about a week I still didnt feel as if I had gained any insight. I was trying not to get frustrated since these things do take time. Finally I decided one day to just listen and as I listened I wrote down thoughts that came to my mind. After looking at what I wrote I was amazed at some of the things that I was told.I then prayed about these things and knew with all of my heart that they truly came from the Lord. A lot of my answers had to do with my health and what I needed to do in order to get healthier than I have been in years. I left the hospital firedup and ready to go. As we all so often feel after receiving that personal revelation knowing what the Lord has in store for us.I knew my task at hand and knew with the Lords help nothing could stop me. I began an extreme exercise program and honestly felt better than I did in a long time. I was able to do more things and just felt overall good. Then comes the opposition. The apostle Paul in talking to those who thought that a new testimony, a personal conversion, or a spiritual baptismal experience would put them beyond trouble— says, “Call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions.” “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. “For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. The opposition does come it is inevitable it tests our faith. The Lord tests us to know our faithfulness and see if we trulyare worthy of the blessings He is so willing to give. I have to say that my patience began to waver. After 5 months of doing all these things I thought I was supposed to be doing, nothing changed, at least from a medical standpoint. My lung functions had not increased. I was very discouraged. I asked Ben to give me a blessing. In my blessing I was told that my physical health had increased in more ways than one test could show, and again reassured me of my goals I had set for myself. I was back on track. I guess I thought since I was doing what I knew I was supposed to that it wouldnt easy, but would happen sooner than the Lord was having it happen. Thus thinking in my time not His. Neal A. Maxwell says: “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His” It is at our times of Revelation that we feel peace, as if nothing can shake our faith. Whether it be taking Moronis challenge of praying with a sincere heart and receiving an answer or being touched by a lesson in church that again strengthens our testimony, but when the opposition arises will we remain strong in our faith? Will we remember our experiences as promptings from our heavenly father,or will we put them off as something we came up with on our own? Will we have the patience talked about in D&C 98? Will we have the faith to put all things on the Lord and have the attitude of "not my will, but thine be done?" I wish that I could stand before you today and say that Im able to answer yes to all of these questions when faced with opposition but over the past few weeks things occurred that as they often do that I was not prepared for. About a month ago I began to get sick. After a few days I knew I needed to be hospitalized, this in itself didnt frustrate me and the progress I had made. I knew eventually I would have to go back in he hospital. I had been out for record time in 6 years so I saw that as another stepping stone and didnt complain. The day before I came into the hospital Pres. Mecham stopped me after my brothers homecoming and asked me to speak. He gave me the scripture reference that I read previously and I went home and looked it up. As soon as I read it I began to cry. It was as if it was an answer to my prayers. The Lord was telling me to have patients my prayers have been heard and they will be answered with an immutablecovenant, immutable meaning Not subject or susceptible to change. I went in the hospital one day later with this scripture close to my heart. I figured it would be a regular hospital visit with no complications. The second day there experiences occured that I could not have anticipated. I felt as though I was blind sited. I began to cough up blood. I have done this on a few other occassions. I thought it would just be a bit and then I would be done with it. Well it got to the point where more action needed to be taken. They would need to do a procedure that would cotterize my lung. I was a little nervous but felt peace knowing this was what needed to be done. As I was lying on the table getting ready for the procedure to begin the words began to come to my mind peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth give I unto you. I knew it was a scripture that I have heard many times yet I could not bring it fully to my rememberance. A few days later as I felt much without hope which is a feeling that very seldom occurs, wondering if it was all some sort of illusion that I had conjured in my mind the words came to me again, and I decided I better look it up to see just what it stated. John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. I read these words and the tears began to flow. I knew that my Heavenly Father was yet again answering my prayers and staying near me especially through my moments of doubt and weakness. He yet again gave me the words that I so desperately needed. I truly felt my Saviors loving arms around me and knew that all was in His hands. We cannot assume that because we have been inspired by the Lord to know of things to come that those things will come easy. As I contemplated the things that the Lord had told me at times it seemed like a daunting task and how could it all come to be. I have learned that we cannot put limitations on the Lord because the world says it is not possible. Our God is a God of Miracles and if he has said it will be done he will hold to his word with an "immutable covenant" as long as we do what hehas inspired us we should do. My favorite scripture growing up is found in 1 Nephi chapter 17:49-51 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto them that they should murmur no more against their father; neither should they withhold their labor from me, for God had commanded me that I should a build a ship. And I said unto them: If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done. And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship? I have often been told there are things that I cannot do because of my illness, but the Lord has had other plans for me and has helped me to know His goals for me therefore helping His will to become my will. I pray this is something we can all do having the patience that is required and knowing that our Heavenly Father is with us to lead and direct us. I would like to close by reminding us that our lord and Savior Jesus Christ is completely aware of us and all that we go through. He has been through it and therefore is able to give us comfort in our time of need. I know my Savior lives this is his gospel and he loves each and every one of us unconditionally.

Going Private!

So I have decided that i need to go back to being private. Its not because of any one thing. Or any person on here. I would love for everyone that loves to read this to post their email address so i can invite you. I am only doing this because there are a few people that I would really not like reading it and I don't know that they have found it yet, but there are ways that they can and I would rather feel comfortable knowing they are not. Thank you for all your love and support and I hope you will still want to read!

An Amazing Experience

Well it turns out that things as usual don't happen the way we expect. I am currently still residing in 2E at the university of utah. I had crazy heart issues on mon and had to move to the 4th floor overnight to have medicine that re-charges my heart and then continues to monitor until the next day. Then on tuesday I had a fever and just felt crappy. I could tell that things werent going in the direction that they needed. My docs wed. came in and told me I was most likely staying longer. Needless to say I was pretty upset. I had called the stake presidency the saturday before to tell them I could speak and he told me that they truly felt like I would be there so they hadnt changed anything on the program. So I said, "well, I will take your word for it." I finished my talk Sunday and all this started happening on Monday and then told I wouldnt be out for the weekend. My dad was coming up this way for business and so I asked him if he could give me a blessing. It was truly an amazing blessing and gave me such peace and comfort beyond explanation O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the atrump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! 2: Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and acome unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. Not that i view myself as Moroni but I had such amazing experiences yesterday and the joy and the peace and happiness that has yet to leave me and hopefully won't for a long time. it is truly the greatest feeling. I wish that I could explain to people and I pray that I can always remember this feeling to know that I am going to be okay and things are going to start to get better. I pray that I can look back on this day with absolute truth to the things I was told in a blessing and never get discouraged or down but to know as I know now without any reserve that the things the Lord has told me are true. And I pray that becasue i am writing it down that at those times of disrouagemnt I can reflect on how I truly feel now and know that all is how it should be and Satan is the one that wants us to doubt and lose faith. he wants us to doubt just a little so he can sneak in with his craftiness. I pray that I can never doubt agian. But we are human and it does happen. But I will never forget how i felt and the overall love and joy and peace that makes me want to share with everyone so they can feel the same happiness and joy. I am so blessed!