Recalling Easter

Cambree came down in our bed this morning and as she lay there and I thought of the things going on today I couldnt help but reflect on Easter four years ago. Little did I know what lay before me. The exact date is failing me now, but it was the first weekend in April when everything started. I mostly recall this because it was conference weekend (Easter is coming very early this year). At the time I was very naive and 31 weeks pregnant.

I had been having a little rib pain and some labored breathing, but didnt think too much of it. I figured, " I have a baby growing inside me, who wouldnt have a difficulty breathing?" That is until I got in the shower on Sunday morning and as I was getting out I cleared my throat and as I did so I heard a small pop and the pain that shot through me was like 1000 little knives digging into my side. It nearly brought me too my knees. I then wincing in pain went and woke Ben up. I told him what had happened and we hurried to the ER in Mt. Pleasant. Anyone that has ever been to the ER in Sanpete County will understand the frustration. I sat in the ER in considerable pain for 30 min. or longer waiting for the ER doctor to arrive, all I could think was, well at least Im not dying or we could really have some problems. I explained what happened. He didnt seem too concerned and didnt want to do X-rays for fear of harming the baby. He sent me home with some pain pills and a pat on the back.

My parents got me a comfortable chair to sit, sleep in and as I sat there that night I got a phone call from my Bishop asking me to speak next sunday, Easter sunday. I was to speak on the atonement. My thoughts were, well if I say yes then I know the Lord will bless me to be able to do it. The week that follows is a bit of a blur. I slept a lot, had a lot of pain. I did go to my CF doctor the next day and they put me on oxygen continuously. This was new to me and I hated it. I knew I needed it though and wanted to make sure the baby was well taken care of. I didnt do my lung tests because of the pain in my side and neither I nor my doctor thought I should be admitted into the hospital at this point.

I wrote my talk and I guess the main point that I am even sharing all of this is to share what my talk was about, seeing as how it will soon be Easter. I remember waking up that morning and realizing that I was definitely in more trouble than I had otherwise considered. I was needing 4 litres of oxygen at a time and was still quite breathless, my fingertips were blue, which indicates I am not getting enough oxygen. The machine I had only went up to 4. I went to church and how I was every able to get through this talk I will never know.

This is right after I spoke in Sacrament. Its amazing how good I look considering how sick I was

I spoke of a time when I was at Weber State (at the time 2 years previous, now it being 6 years ago) and having difficulty with my health...

It was my second year at Weber and I had been coughing up some blood. Nothing major, but it didnt seem to cease. I had had one major episode at Disney on ice. I remember my brother giving me a blessing and I was in the hospital within a few days. My mom came up to be with me and would not leave my side. I told her she was being silly, but moms know best. I am now very grateful for a mothers intuition. Our first night in the hospital I woke around 3:00 a.m. to an awful feeling, you know the feeling where you know that something isnt quite right? I began to cough and felt a pool forming in my lungs, It felt as though I could drown at any moment. I ran to the bathroom threw the light on and began to cough into the toilet. Bright red blood began to fill what was once a porcelein fixture. My mom rushed in and to much surprise was as calm as I have ever seen her. If any of you know my mom you know she isnt always calm, especially in crisis situation. Although I am not sure that we had ever experienced this type of crisis before. As I stood there leaning over the toilet all I could think of was my Savior. I remember thinking, "its really interesting that this is what I would think of at this moment." I remember thinking of him in Gethsemane bleeding from every pore and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He had experienced this exact moment on my behalf and if He could go through this then I could get through it as well with His help. I remember there being chaos around. The nurses running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but all I felt was a calmness and a peace surrounding me. I knew that my Savior had experienced more than I could ever imagine and He would carry me through to the end.

I found the words that I spoke very comforting as I went on to the hospital the next day to experience more than I ever could have imagined. Its amazing to me how time works. Six years ago I was coughing up more blood than I could ever recall, 4 years ago I was very pregnant entering the hosptial not knowing if I would come out before my baby was born and now, here I sit with a lovely daughter and an amazing husband. It feels like yesterday that theses moments in my life occurred but yet the process to get where I am seems like it took forever. I believe we recall these moments in our lives with such clarity so that we will never forget what has brought us to where we are. We may not remember every detail of how we got here, but the major events will help us to never forget. I know that our Savior lives and that He is constantly here for us and constantly aware of our situation. He has been there and He knows whatever we go through. This is how we become closer with Him. The "refiners fire."

Alma 7:11-12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Tag--GOTCHA

What was I doing 10 years ago? I was trying to figure out what I was going to be doing after graduation. Dating the most amazing guy! Just getting done with cheerleading and wondering if it was something I would want to do in College. I didnt. Deciding that I didnt want to live with friends at College, just strangers. Not sure that was the best decision, I got quite the roomie. Missing my brother on a mission. Going to lunch everyday with Annie, Karen, and Tyler. I was really excited to graduate, but had mixed emotions as I am sure most do. I didnt have near the worries or cares that I do now, although I think in High School we are a little oblivious to what the world holds. I thought that nothing could get in my way of what I wanted for a career. I was thinking that advertising would be a great career choice. It was definitley not for me. I guess creativity is a prerequisite. I was awaiting all that the world held and knew that a family was all I truly ever wanted. 5 things on my to do list! 1-Make dinner 2-Still unpack from the hospital 3-clean the house (always on my to do list) 4-Make invitations for my young women 5-I am actually thinking I need to start getting my food storage ready. SO overwhelming. What snacks do I enjoy? I love triscuits with squeeze cheese, Hawaiian punch, beef jerky, cereal, and licorice. What would I do if I was suddenly a Billionaire? Its funny, Ben and I actually had this conversation the other night. We would help those in our ward that are struggling. Especially the Young women and young men that we work with. We would buy our parents houses and get them out of debt. We would get ourselves out of debt. Travel, Save, go to 3rd world countries and help do some good there. Charities. oh and of course tithing, unless we won it gambling because then they wouldnt want our money. Oh wait, we don't gamble (shhh....) Five Places I have lived... 1-Fairview, and back again 2-Ephraim 3-Ogden, loved it! 4-Orem, still miss it 5- well I guess there is only 4 Five Jobs I've had... 1-A teachers aide for a the summer migrant program 2-Pizza girl at Cavalier Pizza 3-Secretary in the Criminal Justice Dept. at Weber state 4-Professional Parent Coordinator 5-MOTHER! Five Things that people didn't know about me... Most of the things that you didnt know about me you do now because of my top 28 stupidest things that I have ever done. Okay, I will try to come up with some more. 1-I was acutally really annoyed with Ben the first time I met him. I thought he was a rich snob. He definitely was not rich. ;) 2-Most mornings I don't get up until 9:00. I know I am so lazy. I do exercise most days though. 3- I get very embarrassed about having nice things. Our car, our house. I really had a hard time having people see our house. 4-Not working was a very hard transition for me. I had a very difficult time. Not that I didnt love being home with my daughter, I just didnt feel like I was doing much for anyone and it was hard to not feel needed like you feel when you have ajob. I know people will probably take that wrong, take it in the positive route. Not that Ben or CAmbree didnt need me. Just not getting the accalades and such that you do with work . 5-When I got really sick and had to be on oxygen I was very insecure. I would avoid people I knew in stores and didnt want to see anyone. I got better towards the end of the year and a half and I like to think if i get there again I would be better, but it was very difficult on my self-esteem. 3 bad habits- 1-I pick a lot, if I have a scab or something on my arm or really anywhere I will continue to pick it. I have a lot of scars because of this. I know gross! 2-I don't think it is a bad habit but Ben does, sleeping with socks on. I can't sleep without them. 3-Getting addicted to television shows. I love my DVR it has saved my life. I tag, Annie, Erin and I would like to hear Jakes as well, Karole, Roshelle, Janille, and Whit

Not You Mom!

Its always amazing the day you realize that you arent the favorite person in your daughter's life. The one that she always wants to be with. Yesterday was picture day for preschool, they were going to have a class picture, but first they needed to get a picture with their mom. Of course I tried to get Cambree all cute, and tried to at least look presentable myself. Karole came and picked us up. We got to the door and Karole went first with each individiual boy and then it was my turn. I sit down on the bench and tell Cambree to come. Cambree: (crying) I want to get my picture with Karole! Me: (trying to avoid the crying fit that would make her look like we had just gone the rounds in her pictures) "Just come sit with me and have your picture taken." Cambree: I want to sit with Karole! Me: (to avoid any other conflict) Fine you can sit with her for one minute and then its my turn. Cambree sits with Karole and they have a great mother daughter shot, then its my turn. We'll see how this turned out. Honestly, if it had been anybody else I would have probably been crushed. I am just glad that she loves Karole as much as I do. Believe me I would have rather been sitting with Karole too. That was obviously a joke. I love when Cambree is bawling and making a scene.