Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Miracles

I cannot express the gratitude that I feel in my heart at this exact moment. It is overwhelming and bursting from every part of me. This past year has been met with some fierce trials and some heartache. Now come the rewards. I do not know what lies ahead but I pray that I will never forget how I feel at this moment. Miracles Happen! There is so much that I want to share but only so much that I can share. Last Feb. when i was in the hospital was a turning point in my life. I was able to do a lot of soul searching as I expressed in posts during that time. I figured out things in my life and have been working on those things ever since. Some of you know that after that hospital stay I began an extreme exercise program called P90X. For any of you that know this program, no I am not going to be ripped in 90 days. I found DVDs from it that I enjoy and have done them on a weekly routinely basis. I have gained muscle that I never knew existed. When I went in the hospital last August and was there for a month I nearly lost all that I had worked for. I began to question all that I had been told thinking it was all in my head. The Lord then reminded me of His love and gentle mercies and I began to gain the motivation that I once had. I continued with this program even when I had no motivation. After about 2 months of being out of the hospital the motivation and muscles began to come back. I was feeling strong again. I felt good for about a month and then boom I was back in the hospital. I cant tell you the struggles that I went through emotionally. Thankfully they only last about a day and then I get my head on straight again mostly due to an amazing husband that listens and then tells me how it is. Thank you Ben you will never know the deep impact you have on my very soul. In a blessing that I had before I came in the hospital I was told that my body was preparing for change. I had no idea what this meant but began to be excited about what it could mean. I did my lung tests yesterday and after one week of being in the hospital my tests are better than when I left the hospital after one month last time. My overall lung capacity is higher than it has been in years. It is truly amazing. As I am typing this I just finished doing my P90X cardio video. I did the first half of the workout with no oxygen at all. For those that dont know I have needed oxygen to exercise nearly everyday of my dear sweet daughters life. Then after doing half of the video my oxygen started to drop. I then only required 1/2 of a litre. That is literally nothing. I know that for most of you this may not seem incredible but to me this is truly the miracle that I have been working and waiting for. I know that the Lord answers prayers and I know that He keeps his promises as we keep ours. I cant tell you how many times I have done this exercise with tears streaming down my face because of the difficulty and strain. Today I had tears streaming down my face due to the gratitude that I have for such a loving Heavenly Father that knows me personally and helps me every step of the way.

Things to do before I turn 30!

So I have been thinking about my 30th birthday coming up, yes nearly 365 days away, but still a girl needs to plan. I have decided to come up with a list of things to do before I turn 30. It may be a list I keep adding to as I come up with new ideas. I am definitely going to make them obtainable since money is a factor. 1. GO SKIING, I have never been skiing in my life and have always wanted to try. I actually have brand new skis in our basement wrapped in the cellophane from 6 years ago. Ben bought them for me to teach me and then went ahead and dislocated his shoulder. The next winter I was pregnant and ever since my health has not been good enough. I have decided to throw caution to the wind, strap on some oxygen and ride the slopes. We will see how it goes. I think with our Afflac money we are going to get Cambree some skis as well. Her daddy loves to ski and hasnt been able to with his broken leg so this is really going to be an adventure. We are planning it for when I get out of the hospital. 2. SEE THE MUSICAL WICKED: I am not sure where I will have to go to see it, but I am definitely going to see it. 3. TREAT MYSELF TO A PEDICURE: I know that sounds so dumb, but I have never had a pedicure and have always wanted one. I have had a manicure before and a facial but am just too cheap to get myself one. Ben gave me one once to JCPenney and they brought out one of those clairol foot baths that you can buy at the store so i dont count that. 4. GO TO THE ST. GEORGE TEMPLE: I have always said I would go and never have so I am going to put it on the list so I make myself. 5. There is one other thing I would really like to do, but it all comes with the Lords time and answers to prayers so I am not going to put it on the list but I will know in my heart what it is. 6. GO ON A CRUISE OR GO TO ITALY: this I am not sure is feasible this coming year but it is definitely on my bucket list for sure. Italy is my dream vacation and I would love to do a cruise, doing them as one would be fantastic. 7. SEND MY DAUGHTER OFF TO KINDERGARTEN: I can't believe that this is happening this coming year but I am so excited for her. She just keeps telling me that when she is 5 she gets to go to Kindergarten and when you are in kindergarten you get to paint. I love this little girl. 8. COME UP WITH A MOMMY AND ME GETAWAY TO DO EVERY YEAR JUST THE TWO OF US: I want to come up with something for just Cambree and I to enjoy together. I know that her dad and her will have skiing and I want to have something that we can enjoy. It may just be Disney on ice or something since her dad doesnt love it and it would save on buying him a ticket. Cambree and I love everything Disney! Okay so kind of a lame list for now, but like I said this just entered my mind and it is still a work in progress. If anyone has great ideas they think I would like I would love to hear them .

Its that time again

Who knew? Well, I am in the hospital again and hopefully got here before things got completely out of control. I have to say that I feel as if I have given everyone the wrong impression of me. I really don't talk much about the downs of what I go through and mostly because I try to stay positive and for the most part I think I am a positive person, but again i don't want to give the wrong impression. I am not always so full of Faith, my faith definitely is lacking at times one of those times being yesterday. I have to say I really struggled with knowing that I was coming in again. My philosophy in life has been to never ask "Why me?" but rather "What can I learn from this?" Yesterday, I still wasnt asking why me, but frustration was definitely at its peak. 4 months is not long enough to be out of the hospital especially when it took nearly 3 just to feel the way I felt before I went in in August. I was finally getting my motivation to exercise without absolutely forcing myself and finally feeling as thought I was getting back on track. The biggest problem with CF is how fast it can hit you. Granted I deal with it on a daily basis, but when I get a cold it can literally take my lung function down from the high 4o's to the 30's in a matter of a couple of days. Everything I gain can be lost in a matter of moments and take so long to gain back if it is gained back at all. I have been told of some wonderful things that are going to happen and keep thinking that they should have happened by now. All in the Lords time. I know that but boy do I grow impatient sometimes. I begin to doubt the things that I feel I have been told and wonder if it is all me. Not putting the faith in the Lord that I need to. Luckily, the Lord knows us so well. Yesterday as I was feeling sorry for myself and letting tears fall I decided to turn on the TV and watch KBYU well of course its something that I need to hear about how our trials are for our good and the Lord will help to succor us in our time of need and that we need to take his yoke upon us. it was definitely something that I needed to hear. I also received an amazing blessing from my husband that again gave me the reassurance that I need every now and again. I am so thankful for this gospel and although, I definitely have doubts I do know without a shadow of a doubt the Love that the lord has for me and that he will always be here for me and my family no matter what we are going through. Thanks to all of you for your love and prayers. My attitude has taken a 180 today and I feel good about being here. I pray that my numbers will get higher than they have been and that I can do some soul searching that is over due. As for pics of Christmas and all that, well I tried again and yet again they failed so I will try when i get home. Hopefully it is only a 2 week stay with no major incidences.

Out of Service

So I have been trying to upload pictures of our wonderful Christmas and fun trip to Florida, but for some reason it doesnt work so for now I will just say we had an awesome Christmas and a whirlwind of a vacation. My birthday was fun and only one more year to the big 3-0. I am actually really excited about it. Most people that I talk to are not excited to turn 30, but I say bring it on. I am just thankful that I am going to be able to turn 30. My whole life I have always been told I would live to be in my teens or maybe my 20s. This is exciting and I pray there are at least 30 more to come. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and pray that you all have a wonderful year! I will try to post pics later.