Thoughts

As I have tried to put my thoughts and feelings to pen these past couple of weeks about having a baby boy no words seem to suffice for the magnitude of what is unfolding in our lives. Something I havent really shared is how worried we have been about the baby and Abby. Abby was on "almost" bedrest for the past month due to bleeding and what is called a subchronic hemmorage (I think) It has been very worrisome and hard for me to sit back and watch knowing that I am the reason for this disruption in her life. How do you do almost bedrest with 4 children? Let me just say it hasnt been easy. Abby has done fabulous but I know it has not been easy for her. Thankfully, and somewhat miraculously it seems to have cleared up. Up until this point it has been hard to actually talk about the baby with so many things to worry about. But after this last ultra sound to see how big he is and to actually find out that it is actually a HE, it is all becoming so much more real. As we sat watching our baby move and kick around it was so incredible to see how big he has gotten in a month. Things are so much more defined and you actually see a real baby squirmming. I shed many tears during the ultrasound. I thought I was looking at a boy but didnt want to get my hopes up until the tech said it truly was. Then all my emotion came to the surface and all that I have been going through for the past 2 1/2 years to get my baby boy here was all validated. Every answer to prayer was coming true and everything I felt I had received through prayer was being fulfilled. Finally, our family would be whole once again. The emotion that comes with these realizations is something that cannot be explained. I wish that I was a better writer and could dazzle you all with what I was feeling, but it was unlike anything I can explain. All I know is that both of my children have a greater purpose than I can even imagine. Both their stories of coming to life are quite miraculous. After the ultrasound I had no words for Abby, all I could say was "thank you" and give her a hug, pathetic, I know. After all she is doing and has done, thank you just seems so futile. I will never be able to repay her for her gift. What do you do for someone that is helping to make all your dreams and prayers come to be? I never knew that someone could receive so much from our Heavenly Father. I feel so unworthy of all that He is blessing me with and again stand with my arms out at a loss as to how to be grateful enough or say thank you enough. Everything pales in comparison to what I am being given. I pray someday I can be the person that He hopes me to be. To be worthy of the blessings that He is so freely giving me. But for now a heart that is bursting with gratitude and tear filled eyes of joy is all that I can offer my angel of a sister and my loving Heavenly Father.

Our boy!

I have been waiting for this for over two years. I remember it very distinctly, but yet it is such a private experience that I cannot share details at this time. But I remember knowing without a doubt that I had a son waiting for me. It took me off guard, but it has been since that time that I have been doing everything remotely possible for myself to bring this little boy into the world. It was over a year later that I found that it wouldnt be through me but through an angel. My beautiful sister in law Abby. I will never be able to express in words the gratitude and love that I have for this woman. I am in awe of her. But since the day that I knew I had a son waiting for me I have had this song in my mind and today I realized it was all being fulfilled. We are having our Boy. Our family will be together at last. The tears that were shed during the Ultra sound today were those of complete joy and addoration for this beautiful being that is already loved beyond belief. And for an Incredible Heavenly Father that has taken my hand and directed my path before me for years. I am so grateful. I hope everyone realizes that this in know way takes away from the love that I have for my beautiful daughter and the miracle that she is in our lives I just have known for such a long time that our family was not complete and have been frantically searching mind, body, and soul to bring him here. A new day has...come I was waiting for so long For a miracle to come Everyone told me to be strong Hold on and don't shed a tear Through the darkness and good times I knew I'd make it through And the world thought I had it all But I was waiting for you Hush, love I see a light in the sky Oh, it's almost blinding me I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love Let the rain come down and wash away my tears Let it fill my soul and drown my fears Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun A new day has...come Where it was dark now there's light Where there was pain now there's joy Where there was weakness, I found my strength All in the eyes of a boy Hush, love I see a light in the sky Oh, it's almost blinding me I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love Let the rain come down and wash away my tears Let it fill my soul and drown my fears Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun A new day has...come