I've been thinking about writing a post for sometime now, talking about the different emotions that have occurred, both highs and lows. Just when I would think I had what I wanted to say collected in my brain a new event would occur and change everything I was thinking. I'm sure this post will be scattered so please bear with me.
June started out with the baptism of my baby girl. I'll post a separate post later, but it was a beautiful day. We were saddened to hear of the loss of our cousins father in law that day. Cambrees baptism could not have been more beautiful. I had tears often because of the joy I felt for the decision she had made. Then came our Anniversary, 10 wonderful years filled with a lifetime of experiences. I remember feeling a little sad with the realization that we only got about 1.5 years of marriage together with healthy Emilee. Sometimes I miss her desperately. I miss being fun and outgoing and not having my life revolve around medicine or oxygen. We had a wonderful Anniversary filled with amazing food and the joy of being together. The next weekend we went to Fish Lake for 2 days, although fun, it reminded me of how much I missed the healthy me as well. Having to wear my oxygen constantly gets really old really fast!
The space between Anniversary and Fish Lake we heard some terrible news that two former classmates passed away. One a year older than me (suicide)and the other a year younger (accidental overdose) I was deeply saddened for their families, but more for them and the life choices they had made that brought them to this point. I remember thinking, by all counts these two should have outlived me. I was saddened that they were lacking in joy.
I've been thinking a lot about joy and the quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley, "Life is to be enjoyed not just endured." I wish people understood this more. This life has so much to offer. I also have been thinking about a quote by President Thomas S. Monson, "Find joy in the journey." Find is an action, we might have to work a little to get the joy, but it is there to be found. My hope for everyone I know is that they can see the joy in their lives, that thy can feel the love that surrounds them and they can know of their great worth and talents they have.
Not long after these deaths a fire started in our area. I have never seen a fire so close to us. After 24 hrs of it burning it began to become very real. A man that I don't know well, but that works for the city had his house burn down. He lost everything he owned. He had a trailer ready to load things, but because he was so concerned with the welfare of others he never got a minute to go back to his home. I had family that lost 100s of sheep. I became emotional hearing these stories. I was saddened for their loss. A few days passed and it seemed that things were getting under control. My nephew had his 9th birthday and a bunch of us went to 7 peaks to celebrate. On our way home we learned that Fairview, the town I live in was being evacuated. I remember feeling a sense of panic. I wouldn't be able to go home and grab anything. All I had was a swimming suit, some underwear (thankfully) a t-shirt, and some basketball shorts. My children each had an outfit and that was it. I didnt have the medicine I needed or even a car because I had loaned it to my brother to go home earlier. I'm not sure I've ever felt so helpless. I was with my sister in law Kim and we decided to go to my sister Brandi's house. It's kind of amazing how everything worked out, my sister Whitney was able to get me oxygen just before the place closed, I was able to get the most important medicine I needed just before the pharmacy closed. It was very apparent to me that I was being watched over. As I lay in bed that night with both my babies by my side (Ben was in Cedar City at a football camp) I realized that worse case scenario my house burn to the ground. I knew even if that happened(the likely hood was very slim) that we would be ok. My family was safe and that was all I needed to know. It was a humbling experience, realizing that none of this "stuff" matters. Yes, I would have been sad and there are things I wish I could have grabbed, but overall it all would have been alright. I'm thankful for the lesson I learned that day, but even more grateful for the joy and the love that I am so abundantly blessed with.
