Yesterday

Yesterday was the day of the race I was wanting to run.  Wanting being the key word.  Its been on my mind all week, reliving all the miles I had gone to work up to it.  Even in the hospital I thought maybe it was a possibility if I didn't run a ton.  While in the hospital I walked/ran 3.1miles 3 or 4 different times.  It felt great. A treadmill is completely different than outdoors, but still it was a major accomplishment for me.  I continued to hold on to my goal.  Then I got out of the hospital...

I will spare you all the details, lets just say its been a rough six weeks.  As I go about looking fine, my body says otherwise.  I've contemplated whether exercising so rigorously has left me in this state, but have come up with no concrete answers.  I still exercise about 3 times a week, but not as hard.  Motrin is my new best friend.

Yesterday as I thought about all those runners out there I was saddened.  Saddened that I couldn't be there with them, saddened that my body is really annoying me (for lack of a better word),  and saddened that I had to let go of this goal.  Now that it's over and I can move on from it that is exactly what I'm going to do.  This month of November I'm focusing on all that I'm grateful for and all that CF has blessed me with rather than taken away.  I choose to be positive and happy and enjoying every moment that I'm blessed to have.  A little retail therapy never hurt either.

Disappointments and Realizations

I've been putting off this post for a couple weeks, I've known I've needed to share it, but I've also known I haven't wanted to and I've been far too emotional about it to write with a clear head.  Ive had an interesting couple of months.  I've set goals for myself that we're far out of my reach, and would push me nearly to my breaking point.

This goal in particular started when I saw a picture of a friend of mine on her facebook. It was a picture of her running on the beach. The amazing thing about this picture is that it was taken about 5 months post double lung/heart transplant. Seeing this made my heart full. I remember looking at it and thinking, I want to do that. As I had this thought many others entered. I wondered if I would have to wait for the time of transplant to be able to do this. Then I became inspired. Its difficult to know Sharlie and not be inspired. I decided then and there that I was going to get every last bit of life out of these lungs that I could. I was going to make them work harder than they have and I was going to see just how far we, my lungs and I could go together. (a little dramatic right?)

Shortly after, I decided to start running, I decided I wanted do a 5k in St. George in Nov. I was sure I would never run the whole time but wanted to say that I did it.

It took a stroller, a big tank of oxygen cranked to 8 liters and a lot of determination to get started. I looked ridiculous pushing that oxygen around, but hey you gotta do what you gotta do. I remember the first morning, I would walk for 3 min and then run for 1. That first min run was one of the longest of my life. I literally thought I was going to die. When all was said and done I think I walked/ran about 1.5 miles . The second day was similar, but as I checked my oxygen and heart rate I realized my heart rate was about 212 bpm. Not good! I was so frustrated. I remember going in and talking to Ben, nearly in tears sharing my dismay with him. I wondered if it was even physically possible for me to run. He gave me encouraging words and told me not to work too hard. I decided I needed to pray about it. I know it may seem silly to pray about running, does the lord really care if I run? Probably not, but he does care that it means a lot to me and he will lead me to what I should be doing. In that I have no doubt.

After praying and contemplating this matter for a while I remembered a talk I heard by Elaine S. Dalton. She talked about when she first started running she would walk a step and run a step and continued this until she was running more and more. I decided to try it and felt peace that this was a good way to go. It went really well and instead of boring you with all the details, I got to the point in a matter of weeks that I ran 1/2 a mile continuous without stopping, about 7 min. I couldn't believe it. I was so excited and had hope that I really could obtain my goal. Each day I was decreasing my time or Increasing my distance. I got up to 2.6 miles, running probably 1/2 of that intermittently. It felt good. Then a little over a month ago I was running/walking on the treadmill and I felt different. I couldn't run for nearly as long at a time and I had to stop quite a bit. I felt very short of breath. I was worried. That Sunday I walked up some stairs, got very short of breath and had quite a bit of pain. The best explanation I have is it felt like I had a weight on my chest and when I would breath deep the pain increased. I tried to take it easy that week, the pain eased but never completely went away. I then had a drs appointment. Typically I can tell if I'm going to need to go into the hospital. I definitely thought my numbers would be down but felt pretty good overall.

Every visit before I see the Dr. I do what is called a Pulmonary Function Test (PFT). This tests a lot of different things in my lungs, the main thing they look at is the FEV1. Basically, how much air I'm able to blow out in the first second. This determines how much infection is in my lungs. I got done with the first round ( we have to do it at least 3 times) I was anxiously awaiting the numbers to pop up on the screen. It takes a few seconds. When I saw them, shocked is the only way to describe my reaction. I looked at Ben and could see the shock on his face as well. My numbers were the lowest they had been in years, yet i was probably working harder than I ever had (i.e. exercise, treatments etc.) Two more tries brought similar results. Ben and I walked to the elevator and I couldn't even talk to him. If I did I would start crying. I was angry, sad, frustrated, and frankly scared. I don't admit that very often or very easily.

We talked with the Dr. about my running. We wondered if it had something to do with my low numbers. He told me to scale it back a notch and come back in a month to see where I was at. That night and the next day were very emotional for me. My hopes of being able to run we're shattered. I felt defeated. Here I had worked so hard and had wanted it so bad.

Logically when I think about running and needing 8 liters of oxygen I wonder why on earth I am doing this? It seems pretty ridiculous. I think the biggest problem is its just one more thing on the list of things that CF holds me back from and having to deal with that realization is never easy for me, big or small. Whenever someone tells me I can't do something I go into immediate "you wanna bet" mode. So to have my body tell me I can't do something it just makes me want to work that much harder. But at this point I fear I'd be doing more harm than good just to prove a point.

Two weeks after that appt. I called the docs and told them I knew it was time to come in. I have actually ran a little in pulmonary rehab, at the hospital they monitor me. I think we have come up with a good plan. No more than 2 minutes running consecutively and at least 2 minutes walking in between.

I'm still not quite sure the why. Meaning, why this is such a big deal to me. I guess I still have a hard time dealing with the limitations caused by Cystic Fibrosis and given my best efforts my lungs are not ultimately in my control. Of all the pills I've had to swallow, this has always been the hardest.

First Day of School

School has been in full swing for 2 weeks and I am a complete slacker on my blog. I have so many things to catch up on, but didn't want to skip this. Hopefully I'll get back to posting about our fantastic summer later.

My beautiful girl started 3rd grade. I can't believe how grown up she is. I think I cried a little for two days before school even started. I hate change, I always have. We had a pretty good gig going this summer, her, I and, Lawson. Cambree was the most helpful girl. She played with her brother everyday and helped me out so much. One day while I was exercising downstairs and she was watching him she called me and said, "mom, I'm going to give Lawson a bath is that ok?"
Ok? Holy cow, why had I not realized her abilities earlier in the summer?

There were 2 things Cambree was most excited for: 1- she got bangs, she has even sang many a songs about her newfound hairstyle. 2- getting glasses, which she actually just received thurs. and she absolutely loves them.

The first day of school Cambree was nervous, she had talked to a lot of friends her age and most of them were in the the other 3rd grade class. There was one friend that Cambree was super close to that she hadn't had a chance to ask. She was holding out hope that she would be in her class. As I walked with her to the doors we saw lists of classes posted. We both searched for her friends name. I finally saw it listed below the other teacher and my heart sank. I showed Cambree and I watched my brave little girl hold back the tears. I was so sad for her, I too was fighting back tears. I hugged her good bye, went back to my car, and let the water gates open. I think I rayed for her all the way home hoping she would have a good experience. As she barreled through the door that afternoon there was nothing but excitement in her voice. I was so relieved and do grateful.

I have found over the years that one of the many gifts my daughter has is the ability to make friends with anyone and everyone, and more importantly to be a good friend. I love this about her. I'm looking forward to an exciting year of learning and growth for her.

Cambree's baptism

Cambree was baptized on June 2, 2012.  It was such an amazing day that I have been looking forward to for quite sometime.  Unfortunately it had to be postponed a month due to me being in the hospital, but everything was perfect and she was so excited to get baptized.  Ben and I both wrote Cambree a letter to read the morning of her baptism and gave her a necklace that we have been holding onto for a while.  We bought her a butterfly necklace with a little diamond in it when she was about 3 years old.  I always knew I wanted to give it to her for her baptism.  As time has gone on since that purchase there have been times where I have wondered if I would be here to give it to her.  It was such an amazing experience to finally be able to and to know that I am going to be here for a good long time yet.  I think one day she will realize the significance of that necklace to me. 

The opening song for her baptism was Im Trying to Be Like Jesus, talk about get me crying right from the start.  I have sang this song to Cambree thousands of times.  Its one of our favorites.  Cambree and my sister Whitney also sang a duet that was beautiful its called When I am Baptized.  So basically I was a cry baby the entire time. 

When Ben stood in the font with her to baptize her and began to get a little choked up I too cried again, I am so proud of Cambree and her decision to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She is such a special girl that has a huge heart. She loves people and is truly a kind little girl. I hope she can always stay that way and always remember how she felt on her special day.

Opening her necklace

Excited for the big day!

Very happy parents

My sweet little family

She is such a daddy's girl

Baylee got baptized the same day as Cambree

Cambree's cake. 

A June filled with emotion

I've been thinking about writing a post for sometime now, talking about the different emotions that have occurred, both highs and lows. Just when I would think I had what I wanted to say collected in my brain a new event would occur and change everything I was thinking. I'm sure this post will be scattered so please bear with me. June started out with the baptism of my baby girl. I'll post a separate post later, but it was a beautiful day. We were saddened to hear of the loss of our cousins father in law that day. Cambrees baptism could not have been more beautiful. I had tears often because of the joy I felt for the decision she had made. Then came our Anniversary, 10 wonderful years filled with a lifetime of experiences. I remember feeling a little sad with the realization that we only got about 1.5 years of marriage together with healthy Emilee. Sometimes I miss her desperately. I miss being fun and outgoing and not having my life revolve around medicine or oxygen. We had a wonderful Anniversary filled with amazing food and the joy of being together. The next weekend we went to Fish Lake for 2 days, although fun, it reminded me of how much I missed the healthy me as well. Having to wear my oxygen constantly gets really old really fast! The space between Anniversary and Fish Lake we heard some terrible news that two former classmates passed away. One a year older than me (suicide)and the other a year younger (accidental overdose) I was deeply saddened for their families, but more for them and the life choices they had made that brought them to this point. I remember thinking, by all counts these two should have outlived me. I was saddened that they were lacking in joy. I've been thinking a lot about joy and the quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley, "Life is to be enjoyed not just endured." I wish people understood this more. This life has so much to offer. I also have been thinking about a quote by President Thomas S. Monson, "Find joy in the journey." Find is an action, we might have to work a little to get the joy, but it is there to be found. My hope for everyone I know is that they can see the joy in their lives, that thy can feel the love that surrounds them and they can know of their great worth and talents they have. Not long after these deaths a fire started in our area. I have never seen a fire so close to us. After 24 hrs of it burning it began to become very real. A man that I don't know well, but that works for the city had his house burn down. He lost everything he owned. He had a trailer ready to load things, but because he was so concerned with the welfare of others he never got a minute to go back to his home. I had family that lost 100s of sheep. I became emotional hearing these stories. I was saddened for their loss. A few days passed and it seemed that things were getting under control. My nephew had his 9th birthday and a bunch of us went to 7 peaks to celebrate. On our way home we learned that Fairview, the town I live in was being evacuated. I remember feeling a sense of panic. I wouldn't be able to go home and grab anything. All I had was a swimming suit, some underwear (thankfully) a t-shirt, and some basketball shorts. My children each had an outfit and that was it. I didnt have the medicine I needed or even a car because I had loaned it to my brother to go home earlier. I'm not sure I've ever felt so helpless. I was with my sister in law Kim and we decided to go to my sister Brandi's house. It's kind of amazing how everything worked out, my sister Whitney was able to get me oxygen just before the place closed, I was able to get the most important medicine I needed just before the pharmacy closed. It was very apparent to me that I was being watched over. As I lay in bed that night with both my babies by my side (Ben was in Cedar City at a football camp) I realized that worse case scenario my house burn to the ground. I knew even if that happened(the likely hood was very slim) that we would be ok. My family was safe and that was all I needed to know. It was a humbling experience, realizing that none of this "stuff" matters. Yes, I would have been sad and there are things I wish I could have grabbed, but overall it all would have been alright. I'm thankful for the lesson I learned that day, but even more grateful for the joy and the love that I am so abundantly blessed with.

10 Years and Counting!

 I remember sitting in a hospital bed when he came in with some of my friends from High School.  They happened to be his cousin.  Its funny that thats where we met, the hospital.  Who knew how much our lives would revolve around that place.  When I first saw him, I thought he was pretty cute.  I thought he would be cuter without braces, but still cute.  Then he was messing with his pager and asked if he could use my phone to call it.  I then thought, why is this little rich boy here in my room?  Obviously he was less than interested in being there.  See, where I lived no one I knew had a pager to me that just meant he had a lot of money.  Yes, I was making judgements.  Then as we are all visiting suddenly I get beaned in the head with a rolled up piece of paper.  Is this kid for real?  He could not of been anymore obnoxious.  Fast forward to almost a year later.  I am out on the high school track warming up for cheer practice when the football boys come running out of the tunnel, (it was always the highlight of our practice.)  Then I saw him, I know, so cliche, the football player and the head cheerleader.  This is good stuff people.  I remember looking at him and thinking, this cant be the same annoying kid I met nearly a year ago.  In a matter of a few months I came to know that he indeed was.  I asked him to the first boy girl dance of the year, girls choice and as they say, the rest is history.  Nearly 15 years later I still like to think back on that time.  Two very young kids with only hope and love in their eyes.  I would never believe people could know what love is in High School, except that I did.  It has definitely been a rollercoaster with this boy.  It doesnt seem that much has come easy except the love that we have for each other.  That has never been hard. 

When he went on his mission for 2 years to Ohio I have never been so sad, but have never grown so much either.  It was an amazing time for both of us with much growth and learning.  It prepared us to be married, to be ready for marriage and especially to be ready for what would lie ahead of us.  Our wedding day 6 weeks after he got home could not have been more amazing.  Simple and elegant, just how I like things.  We had our most amazing family and friends supporting us and the future held so much.  I never could have known the journey we would go on, but I wouldnt change a thing.  No things have not always been easy, but I couldnt have done any of it without Ben by my side.  He is truly the most incredible man I know.  He never questions what we are asked to go through he just buckles down and treads ahead full bore never looking back or wondering what could have been.  He always gives me the peace and comfort I need when I need it and when I need someone to tell me just how it is, he does that too.  I have been so blessed to find him and am so grateful that we will be together with our beautiful children for all eternity!  What an amazing gift that is.  Thank you Ben for 10 incredible years of marriage you make each day fun and exciting.  I look forward to what the future holds for us and know that with you by my side we can get through anything! I love you!







 These are the only pictures I have on my computer so here  you go:

Our engagement picture that was on our invitation.

It was such a beautiful day!

One of my bridal pictures.

Remembering Mothers Day

As I sit here in my hospital bed, waiting for my beautiful family to join me I am reminded of a mothers day from long ago. Eight years to be exact. I sat in a room very similar to this one trying to wrap my head around what had just occurred over the past 4 weeks and how on earth I survived it all. I think I was wondering how on earth I was going to take on this mighty task of motherhood feeling the way I felt and being weaker than I had ever experienced before, mind, body, and soul. I remember not having any energy as I felt the withdrawals from the heavy pain medication they had me on that I had decided to stop "cold turkey". Bad idea by the way. I felt as if though this greatest calling of motherhood was too great a task for this naive young girl who could barely get out of bed. I remember getting enough strength to go and see her that morning and as I gazed at this tiny, most beautiful little thing my courage returned and I knew with her by my side I could conquer the world! I would fight with everything I had to live for her and Ben and I would spend everyday trying to be the best mother I could be. I knew with the help of the Lord he would help me to raise one of his most precious daughters. Thank goodness Ben and I wouldn't have to do it alone. Although I have fallen short many many times I continue to try and am grateful for the opportunity to raise my now 2 children. I'm grateful for a wonderful mother who has shown me how to be a mom and has loved me unconditionally. Without her I would not be who I am today! Although I would prefer to not be in the hospital for yet another mothers day, is this 3 or 4? I've lost track. As long as my babies are with me I'm home.

Cambree turns 8!

These pictures are completely out of order. I still have a hard time with Blogger. Haven't quite figured it out. I think I am still in shock that my baby girl is 8 years old. Where has the time gone? For her birthday Ben and I made her breakfast in bed. I'm pretty sure this is the new tradition that she won't let me forget about. I started it last year. Hot fudge banana French toast, how can you beat that? She was pretty excited. We also gave her her presents. I made her a photo book from 2-3. Yes, I'm completely behind, about 6 years worth:). We decided to leave Lawson home and just make it a really special day focused on Cambree. She was so excited when she got done with school. She told me she wanted to get her ears pierced and that she wanted Aprils birthstone which is diamond. Apparantly her friend who is a couple weeks older than her had just got hers done. I told Cambree we could go do it if it was something she really wanted and wasn't just doing it for her friends or because her friends had it done. Her immediate answer,"okay, never mind. I don't want to." I was pretty surprised but I think it turned into a good lesson. She is a silly girl sometimes. We told her we would take her anywhere she wanted to eat. She chose Macaroni Grill. We also decided to start getting use of our pass of all passes and went to trafalga in Lehi. we had a lot of fun there. Laser tag, rides and rock climbing. All in all I think it was a good birthday. On fri. We let Cambree have a late night party with. Few friends. She invited Heather, Megan, Payton, Ellie, and Emma Kate. I usually go all out with decorations and all that, but this party was pretty low key since I wasn't feeling great and we will be having a big family arty when she gets baptized. The girls made mini pizzas and per Cambrees request we had mini cupcakes. The girls got to stay until 9:30 and I think all in all it was a success!It still amazes me that 8 years ago we sat in great anticipation for the beautiful girl we couldn't believe was coming so soon. I remember us frantically trying to come up with a middle name for her. Originally I had thought she shouldn't have one because I didn't have one. Then the night before her arrival I was adamant that she should have one because I was always a little upset that I didn't. I wanted something that had meaning and purpose something that would in someway describe the amazing ness of this little soul and all we had been through. I wanted her named after me, but Cambree Emilee just didn't fit right. After looking for quite sometime Ben found Malli, it means flower. Yes, that would be perfect so delicate yet so strong to grow into such beauty. It also is like Emilee without the E. I loved it from the minute I heard it and knew that it was very fitting.I am so very proud of my little girl and the amazingly loving beautiful girl that she is. She has given me a world filled with wonder and joy and I look forward to what her future holds in store for her. I have great hopes for all that she can become. She never ceases to amaze me and the love and concern that she has for others is a great gift that she has been blessed with. I've learned more from her in her 8 years than I could have ever learned otherwise. I pray we continue to teach each other and learn along the way. I love you sweet Cambree Malli and all that you are!

"whats so special about mothers?"

Im sure many of you have either seen or heard of the movie Mars Needs Moms.  But have you ever read the book?  It is a beautiful book with an even more beautiful message.  Everytime I read this book to my children, I cry.  As I read it to Lawson this morning my reaction was no different.  It got me thinking about my relationship with my children and then even further my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Those that know me well, or have been reading this blog for awhile understand that every April memories come rushing back to me and envelope my soul.  They take me back every year to the time that I was pregnant and struggling for survival, mine and my daughters.  It never fails.  Its not conscious and sometimes I dont even realize it is happening until I am fully engulfed in my emotions and sit wondering what on earth is the matter with me, only then to realize it is that time of year.  I dont dread it, its not a sad time, but a time of rememberance and reflection that leads me to ponder much about my life and my purpose.  This year was no different.  In all honesty, I think this year is slightly harder than the past few have been.  It is this realization that my daughter is turning 8 years old.  In our religion, this is a very significant age.  It is the age of accountability, the age where they are baptized and make covenants with our Heavenly Father, the age where they receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.  The past nine months, all I keep asking myself is, "Have I done enough, have I taught her enough?"  I dont think I will ever know the answer to this question.  I can only pray that I have done my best and wherever Ben and I have been lacking that Heavenly Father will make up the rest. 

I remember when Cambree wasnt even 1 and I was told that I had a 50% chance that I would live 5 years.  I went through so many different scenarios in my head and wondered, truly wondered if I would live to see the day that my daughter would be immersed into the waters of baptism.  If I would be here for that glorious day.  Im so happy to know that I will be and even more grateful that I am doing as well as I am healthwise.  It has definitely been a ride.  As I look over the past 8 years I wonder if I have been the best mother I can be.  Honestly, probably not all the time.  There are times I have yelled when I shouldnt have yelled, times when I didnt listen to her and I should have, times I should have taken her to the park or for a walk.  But dont we all have these moments?  I know I need to be a better mother.  I know I am harder on myself than anybody else could be, I know that I am doing my best and most importantly I know that my daughter loves me anyway. 

To conclude my jumble of thoughts, as I read Mars Needs Moms and I think on the love that mothers have for their children, that yes, they truly would give their life for the life of their child.  I think on the Savior and especially this Easter season the sacrifices that he made for all of us. I know that being a mother helps me understand a tiny bit more the love that the Savior has for me.  He did die for us, He suffered for us, and as a mother we would do the same for our babies.  Fortunately, most of us arent asked to, but it allows us to also have a better relationship with our Savior because we can understand at least to some degree why he did what he did for us.  Im so grateful for that gift and so grateful for the knowledge that I have of the atonement and sacrifice that was given on my behalf.  I pray that I can be a better mother with each passing day When the time comes I pray that I can look my Savior in his loving eyes and know that I did my best and that my children will truly know what is so special about mothers.

Day 14

TV show (or shows) you're currently addicted to-
Modern Family...my favorite show on tv right now.
The Voice...I love Adam Levine
Army Wives...the new season starts soon. I'm so excited.

My guilty pleasures that I'm not proud of:
Teen Mom 2
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
both of these seasons are over. Maybe next season I won't watch...hmmm we'll see.

Day 13

So, I'm really terrible at this. I've just decided im going to do the ones I like. Today favorite quotes, mottos or versus. Thanks to pinterest I've found lots! One of my most favorite is my blog name Miracles Happen. Here are a few more.

Day 10

I'm skipping day 9 other than food from a cafeteria I haven't bought anything for 2 weeks.

Day 10 my favorite place to eat.
I love there minestrone and lasagna fritta! So good. Pretty sure this will be lunch today.

A Cure

I just read a line in a book that I could completely relate to, it read:
"A new kind of freedom. But then...what? What would my life be like on a daily basis? Most of it has been consumed with the acquisition of food (in my case Cystic Fibrosis). Take that away and I'm not really sure who I am, what my identity is."

-The Hunger Games

For anyone that knows me really well, the word cure was never part of my vocabulary. I remember at times going to the CF doctor as a kid and them saying, "10 years, in 10 years we'll have a cure.". It was strange. Mostly strange in the fact that I didn't eat it up. In reality I didn't believe them and when I would think about not having Cystic Fibrosis anymore it scared me. I remember whenever I would tell people that they thought I was nuts. How could I not want a cure?

Ive never felt like CF defines me, but it has definitely molded and shaped me into who I am. I'm grateful for it. I feel I'm a better person for having it, not better than anyone else, it's jut helped me to be the best version of myself. The thought of losing that made me feel like I would lose, well, me. Over the years as I have had to deal with the really ugly side of CF my views have changed some. I don't think I ever actually prayed for a cure until I had my daughter and felt my life literally slipping away from me. I have never wanted anything so bad. Before, I was young and naive and had not seen or experienced whatCystic Fibrosis does, how it plays out. Now having experienced it first hand and luckily coming most of the way back, the thoughts of a cure is something I cling to, I have hope. With the new drug that just came out I feel there is hope just over the horizon and I pray that it comes sooner rather than later. I'll figure out who I am without all the treatments and hospital stays, I have a feeling it won't be too difficult.

Day 8

A Song That Fits Your Mood:

I actually have 2 that have been running through my brain.

If I Aint Got You by Alicia Keys and Blessed by Martina McBride. I feel like Blessed is my theme song for my life. Here are the lyrics for both.

If I Ain't Got You
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

[Outro:]
If I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

Blessed
I get kissed by the sun
Each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughing
Down the hall through the
Bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my
Front porch swing
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place

[Chorus]
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones
That love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinking
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift

[Chorus]

When I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I know

[Chorus]

Day 7

My Dream Wedding-
I wish I had pics of my wedding on my iPad. It was completely perfect to me. I wouldn't change a thing. It was elegant and simple, just the way I like things. In reality, and not to come off cheesy, these are the only two things I needed for perfection...and I got them both. Everything else was just icing on the cake.

The Manti Temple where we were married.

Day 6

Day 6-
A picture of an animal I'd like for a pet:

Remember when you were young and you played the game MASH? Or was I the only one? Well when it asked what pet you wanted I always included a monkey. How cool would that be? In reality I fantasize about a cute little puggle or shiatsu puppy, but then I come back to reality and think of all the cons of having a pet and I'm totally content without an addition added to the Pehrson home. Plus I figure I already have 2 crazy monkeys, a 3rd would just add chaos.

Liebster Blog Award and Day 5

Day 5- talk about your pets

Well since I don't have any pets I'll talk about a blog award I received from one of my Cysters.
As I read a comment from my friend Jenny at adamandjennylivingston.blogspot.com I found that she had chose me for the Liebster Blog Award. It makes my heart happy that some people find this blog worthwhile. Thanks for the award Jenny, and your kind words!

Liebster is a German word that literally translates to "favorite", "dearest" or "beloved". By one blogger giving it to another, they are essentially saying, your blog is a favorite of mine.

The rules of the Liebster Blog Award are:
1) Acknowledge the blogger who gave the award by linking back to them
2) Give this award to 5 other bloggers (who have fewer than 200 readers), and let them know through a comment on their blog
3) Post the award on your blog
4) Best of all - bask in the glory, have fun and share the love!

So in following the rules here are some blogs that I find inspiring and people that I find admirable (not sure how many readers they have:) so hopefully it's within the rules).

Sharlies Angels-
www.sharliesangels.blogspot.com
Sharlie is truly one of the most inspiring people I have had the privilege of getting to know. Sharlie is currently listed to receive a heart and lung transplant. Her attitude and determination are incredible! I'm in awe at her love for all and the grace and dignity in which she handles her trials.

My Bipolar Coaster-
www.mybpcoaster.blogspot.com Leesa is one of my cousins best friends. I love reading her blog and the openness she shares about her struggles with bipolar. Too often there is a stigma attached to mental illness. I think by sharing her struggles and triumphs she is changing the face of what people assume mental illness to look like. Im amazed at her courage, I'm sure it isn't easy sharing in her journey, but I'm happy to know her and to learn more.

You'll Find That Life Is Still Worth While If You Just Smile-
www.whitneyhomer.blogspot.com
Choosing this blog is a bit out of the ordinary since I don't actually know this person and have never actually commented on her blog. I learned about her blog from a friend and ever since I read it I have thought of her often. She is a young beautiful woman that has had to face and continues to face many challenges. I admire her for her courageous attitude and ability to find good in the small and simple things that we all take for granted. After only reading a few posts my heart was heavy and I pray that things can turn around for her.

My Life Chasing Butterflies-
www.mylifechasingbutterflies.blogspot.com. This blog belongs to my friend Tammy. I have been friends with her since 6th grade but hadn't had much contact with her until we reconnected a few years ago. As we reminisced we learned of each others trials and triumphs. I learned of the challenges that she has faced with her children. Her strength astonishes me! I truly admire her and the attitude that she has. She is an incredible mother and truly one of my heroes!

Ro Ro Island-
http://roroisland2.blogspot.com/
Roshelle was a dear friend that past away 3.5 years ago. We never met, but became very close friends. It was my privilege to know her. She always had an amazing attitude and I learned to appreciate all that I am able to due despite my illness. I'm grateful for her friendship and feel as though I have another guardian angel on my side. Although her blog hasn't been updated since her passing her legacy lives on through the writings she left behind.

There are so many blogs I love, but here are the few I've chosen. I hope you are as inspired by there writings as I have been.

Day 4

I'm terrible at this, but in my defense I have not felt great for a couple weeks and am actually updating from the hospital. I will try to do better while I'm here.

Day 4 says a pic of your best friend. Well here are a few pics of my most favorite people!

I am truly so blessed to have this most amazing man by my side. I know he would truly do anything for me and I trust him with all that I am. These past couple weeks have been a bit of a rough go with my health and lack of energy. There were days I sometimes wondered am I really this lazy? I even asked Ben why he still loves me when it's rare that I get out of my Jammies. He just laughed and said he didn't love me for my looks, in a way thy only Ben can say.

I adore my babies and as Cambree is getting older these hospital stays bring up more questions and a bit more heartache. As I lay by her putting her to bed last night these were her thoughts. Fighting back tears she said, Mom, I don't want you to go in the hospital.".
"I know babe, I don't want to go.".
"You jut barely went why do you have to go again?".
I proceed to explain all the reasons I have to go back, her response:
Through the tears, "It's not fair."
And indeed I began to choke back tears and agree with the unfairness of it all, reminding her of previous conversations we've had at having to do hard thing. We prayed together and then whipped out a mean game of hungry hungry hippo! I love my girl more than she could ever know and my heart breaks when I see the pain that my illness has on her. She is amazing and will rise above it!

Lawson was a bit clingy this morning which always makes it a bit harder to leave and know that he very well could be running by the time I get home. He's taken 4 steps thus far. He is a crazy boy and I love that I get to be home with him daily. FaceTime is going to save us all! I'm so greatful for these besties in my life. It doesn't get any better!

Day 3

My Idea of the Perfect First Date

Well, it has been quite some time since I had a first date. It seems that Ben and I's first date worked out really well so I'll just tell about that.

It was my Senior year and a girls choice dance was coming up. My friends and I decided we were not going to ask anyone and take a girls trip to Cedar and watch the football game and stay for a couple nights. Then a few days before the dance my dear friend Alicia, (love you leesh) that was coming with us decided to ask someone. Since we needed to come back for the dance anyway, I decided to ask someone. Ben had just moved to our school and I decided to ask him. We had met previously, but that is a completely different post. Ben said yes and almost 15 years later here we are.

We decided to go up Box Canyon that is in between Moroni and Ftn. Green. A bunch of us went together and had Dutch oven, went 4-wheeling. We had a great time and I actually have a great pic of Ben and I on this date. We then went to the dance and then after went and watched a movie. I think we got home around 3 a.m. My parents were less than thrilled with me and come to find out his aunt and uncle werent very happy either. Ben and I however really hit it off and aside from a little rough patch nearly 2 years later it has been he and I ever since!

My idea of a perfect date now, just spending time together having fun and enjoying each others company. Good food helps too.

Day 2

Well, I already failed for doing this in 30 days. We'll see how it goes.

Day 2: Favorite Movie

I really don't have lots of favorites. I love a lot of movies. One movie I watch almost everytime I go in the hospital and never tire of is 13 going on 30. Who doesn't love Jennifer Garner. I think we could be B.F.F. If she really knew me:).

I also love Disney cartoons. My new favorite is Princess and the Frog. Who knew frogs could be so cute?

What's your favorite?

30 day blogging challenge

I have lots to catch up on, our amazing Christmas, my beautiful kids, I'm now 32. Heck I still haven't posted cambrees first day of school picture. But instead of doing all that I'm going to jump on the 30 day challenge bandwagon. We'll see how this goes, especially since ive been a stellar blogger these days.

Day 1- Your Favorite Song

I love music. I love so many songs I don't think I could pick just one. I go through phases where I get a song that I love and hear it over and over again and then start to get tired of it for example Someone Like You by Adele. Great song, completely overplayed. One song I thought of that has stood the test of time is After All by Cher and Peter Cetera. I still remember watching the movie Chances Are (great older movie by the way if you haven't seen it. 3 words, Robert Downey Jr. I love him!). At the end of the movie this song plays and I have loved it ever since. Its one of those that when it comes on I turn it up as loud as I can and make everyone be quiet. You know you've done it. If you havent, you are missing out. For those that haven't heard my Cher impression well, you probably never will, but it is a treat.

After All
Well, here we are again
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight
I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always brings me back to you
chorus:
After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
After all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all
When love is truly right
It lives from year to year
It changes as it goes
And on the way it grows
But it never disappears
Chorus
Bridge
Always just beyond my touch
You know I needed you so much
After all, what else is living for?
Chorus

Day 1 down, we'll see how the rest go. Come on, take the challenge, it will be fun. Oh and let me know if you do. I'd love to read it.

Here is the list for anyone that wants to try it for themselves.

Day 1 - Your Favorite Song
Day 2 - Your Favorite Movie
Day 3 - Your idea of the perfect first date
Day 4 - Your favorite photograph of your best friend(s)
Day 5 - Talk about your pets
Day 6 - A photo of an animal you'd love to keep as a pet
Day 7 - Your dream wedding
Day 8 - A song to match your mood
Day 9 - A photo of the item you last purchased
Day 10 - A photo of your favorite place to eat
Day 11 - What's in your make-up bag/purse
Day 12 - Your current relationship status
Day 13 - A few of your favorite quotes, mottos, or versus
Day 14 - TV show (or shows) you're currently addicted to
Day 15 - Something you don't leave the house without
Day 16 - Describe a passion you have
Day 17 - How you hope your future will be like
Day 18 - Five things that irritate you
Day 19 - Your reflection in the mirror
Day 20 - The meaning behind your blog name
Day 21 - A photo of something that makes you happy
Day 22 - A letter to someone who has hurt or OR made you happy recently
Day 23 - 15 Facts about you
Day 24 - A photo of something that means a lot to you
Day 25 - 5 of your favorite movies/books
Day 26 - A photo of somewhere you want to go
Day 27 - What kind of person attracts you?
Day 28 - In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 29 - Something you could never get tired of doing
Day 30 - A photo of yourself plus 3 good things that have happened within the last 30 days