Since Ben is gone all week on training in North Carolina, and I am missing him terribly, I decided I would post about him. 1. What is your husbands name? Benjamin Alma Pehrson 2. How long did you date? this is a tricky one. We started dating on Sept. 13, 1997 thanks to me. Broke up in April of 1999, again thanks to me, got back together in June of 1999 yes, once again thanks to me. Then dated including his two year mission until June 7 2002. So all in all about 5 years. 3. How old is he? 27, I'm older, how sad 4. Who eats more? Most of the time I do. He was amazed when we first started dating how much I could eat 5. Who said I love you first? He did and it scared the crap out of me. I told him thanks and gave him a hug. Poor boy. 6. Who is taller? He is, but we are both short 7. Who sings better? Well according to singstar he does, but he won't sing in front of anyone unless it is singstar. 8. Who is smarter? I like to say me, but it just probably isnt true 9. Who does the laundry? I do, but he will do a load here and there and will do it when I am in the hospital. Great guy! 10. Who pays the bills? I am our accountant. That is my official title. 11. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does and always has. 12. Who mows the lawn? If we had a lawn it would definitley be him 13. Who cooks? I do, Ben cooks breakfast sometimes and it is always fantastic 14. Who drives? He does, he really doesnt like anyone else to drive. 15. Who is more stubborn? Definately him, I have become much less stubborn over our nearly 6 years of marriage 16. Who kissed who first? He kissed me on our second date, it was so quick like banging two heads together 17. Who asked who out? I asked him to the Preference dance, but he wanted to ask me out he was just chicken 18. Who proposed? Well technically he did, but I had the dress and centerpieces all ready and told him I wanted a ring before graduation day at Weber. I really considered proposing to him and totally surprising him. I decided not to 19. Who has more friends? I think Ben probably has more friends, but we have become close with each others friends 20. Who is more sensitive? Definately me. Ben doesnt show a lot of emotion. I got much worse after I had Cambree 21. Who has more siblings? Yes, that would be me. 6 sisters and 4 brothers. Yours mine and ours 22. Who wears the pants? I hate to wear dresses, we share this role:) Ben is amazing and helps me so much. He is a great dad and a wonderful husband and Cambree and I are really missing him and his crazy ways!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Recalling Easter
Cambree came down in our bed this morning and as she lay there and I thought of the things going on today I couldnt help but reflect on Easter four years ago. Little did I know what lay before me. The exact date is failing me now, but it was the first weekend in April when everything started. I mostly recall this because it was conference weekend (Easter is coming very early this year). At the time I was very naive and 31 weeks pregnant.
I had been having a little rib pain and some labored breathing, but didnt think too much of it. I figured, " I have a baby growing inside me, who wouldnt have a difficulty breathing?" That is until I got in the shower on Sunday morning and as I was getting out I cleared my throat and as I did so I heard a small pop and the pain that shot through me was like 1000 little knives digging into my side. It nearly brought me too my knees. I then wincing in pain went and woke Ben up. I told him what had happened and we hurried to the ER in Mt. Pleasant. Anyone that has ever been to the ER in Sanpete County will understand the frustration. I sat in the ER in considerable pain for 30 min. or longer waiting for the ER doctor to arrive, all I could think was, well at least Im not dying or we could really have some problems. I explained what happened. He didnt seem too concerned and didnt want to do X-rays for fear of harming the baby. He sent me home with some pain pills and a pat on the back.
My parents got me a comfortable chair to sit, sleep in and as I sat there that night I got a phone call from my Bishop asking me to speak next sunday, Easter sunday. I was to speak on the atonement. My thoughts were, well if I say yes then I know the Lord will bless me to be able to do it. The week that follows is a bit of a blur. I slept a lot, had a lot of pain. I did go to my CF doctor the next day and they put me on oxygen continuously. This was new to me and I hated it. I knew I needed it though and wanted to make sure the baby was well taken care of. I didnt do my lung tests because of the pain in my side and neither I nor my doctor thought I should be admitted into the hospital at this point.
I wrote my talk and I guess the main point that I am even sharing all of this is to share what my talk was about, seeing as how it will soon be Easter. I remember waking up that morning and realizing that I was definitely in more trouble than I had otherwise considered. I was needing 4 litres of oxygen at a time and was still quite breathless, my fingertips were blue, which indicates I am not getting enough oxygen. The machine I had only went up to 4. I went to church and how I was every able to get through this talk I will never know.
This is right after I spoke in Sacrament. Its amazing how good I look considering how sick I was
I spoke of a time when I was at Weber State (at the time 2 years previous, now it being 6 years ago) and having difficulty with my health...
It was my second year at Weber and I had been coughing up some blood. Nothing major, but it didnt seem to cease. I had had one major episode at Disney on ice. I remember my brother giving me a blessing and I was in the hospital within a few days. My mom came up to be with me and would not leave my side. I told her she was being silly, but moms know best. I am now very grateful for a mothers intuition. Our first night in the hospital I woke around 3:00 a.m. to an awful feeling, you know the feeling where you know that something isnt quite right? I began to cough and felt a pool forming in my lungs, It felt as though I could drown at any moment. I ran to the bathroom threw the light on and began to cough into the toilet. Bright red blood began to fill what was once a porcelein fixture. My mom rushed in and to much surprise was as calm as I have ever seen her. If any of you know my mom you know she isnt always calm, especially in crisis situation. Although I am not sure that we had ever experienced this type of crisis before. As I stood there leaning over the toilet all I could think of was my Savior. I remember thinking, "its really interesting that this is what I would think of at this moment." I remember thinking of him in Gethsemane bleeding from every pore and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He had experienced this exact moment on my behalf and if He could go through this then I could get through it as well with His help. I remember there being chaos around. The nurses running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but all I felt was a calmness and a peace surrounding me. I knew that my Savior had experienced more than I could ever imagine and He would carry me through to the end.
I found the words that I spoke very comforting as I went on to the hospital the next day to experience more than I ever could have imagined. Its amazing to me how time works. Six years ago I was coughing up more blood than I could ever recall, 4 years ago I was very pregnant entering the hosptial not knowing if I would come out before my baby was born and now, here I sit with a lovely daughter and an amazing husband. It feels like yesterday that theses moments in my life occurred but yet the process to get where I am seems like it took forever. I believe we recall these moments in our lives with such clarity so that we will never forget what has brought us to where we are. We may not remember every detail of how we got here, but the major events will help us to never forget. I know that our Savior lives and that He is constantly here for us and constantly aware of our situation. He has been there and He knows whatever we go through. This is how we become closer with Him. The "refiners fire."
Alma 7:11-12
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Tag--GOTCHA
What was I doing 10 years ago? I was trying to figure out what I was going to be doing after graduation. Dating the most amazing guy! Just getting done with cheerleading and wondering if it was something I would want to do in College. I didnt. Deciding that I didnt want to live with friends at College, just strangers. Not sure that was the best decision, I got quite the roomie. Missing my brother on a mission. Going to lunch everyday with Annie, Karen, and Tyler. I was really excited to graduate, but had mixed emotions as I am sure most do. I didnt have near the worries or cares that I do now, although I think in High School we are a little oblivious to what the world holds. I thought that nothing could get in my way of what I wanted for a career. I was thinking that advertising would be a great career choice. It was definitley not for me. I guess creativity is a prerequisite. I was awaiting all that the world held and knew that a family was all I truly ever wanted. 5 things on my to do list! 1-Make dinner 2-Still unpack from the hospital 3-clean the house (always on my to do list) 4-Make invitations for my young women 5-I am actually thinking I need to start getting my food storage ready. SO overwhelming. What snacks do I enjoy? I love triscuits with squeeze cheese, Hawaiian punch, beef jerky, cereal, and licorice. What would I do if I was suddenly a Billionaire? Its funny, Ben and I actually had this conversation the other night. We would help those in our ward that are struggling. Especially the Young women and young men that we work with. We would buy our parents houses and get them out of debt. We would get ourselves out of debt. Travel, Save, go to 3rd world countries and help do some good there. Charities. oh and of course tithing, unless we won it gambling because then they wouldnt want our money. Oh wait, we don't gamble (shhh....) Five Places I have lived... 1-Fairview, and back again 2-Ephraim 3-Ogden, loved it! 4-Orem, still miss it 5- well I guess there is only 4 Five Jobs I've had... 1-A teachers aide for a the summer migrant program 2-Pizza girl at Cavalier Pizza 3-Secretary in the Criminal Justice Dept. at Weber state 4-Professional Parent Coordinator 5-MOTHER! Five Things that people didn't know about me... Most of the things that you didnt know about me you do now because of my top 28 stupidest things that I have ever done. Okay, I will try to come up with some more. 1-I was acutally really annoyed with Ben the first time I met him. I thought he was a rich snob. He definitely was not rich. ;) 2-Most mornings I don't get up until 9:00. I know I am so lazy. I do exercise most days though. 3- I get very embarrassed about having nice things. Our car, our house. I really had a hard time having people see our house. 4-Not working was a very hard transition for me. I had a very difficult time. Not that I didnt love being home with my daughter, I just didnt feel like I was doing much for anyone and it was hard to not feel needed like you feel when you have ajob. I know people will probably take that wrong, take it in the positive route. Not that Ben or CAmbree didnt need me. Just not getting the accalades and such that you do with work . 5-When I got really sick and had to be on oxygen I was very insecure. I would avoid people I knew in stores and didnt want to see anyone. I got better towards the end of the year and a half and I like to think if i get there again I would be better, but it was very difficult on my self-esteem. 3 bad habits- 1-I pick a lot, if I have a scab or something on my arm or really anywhere I will continue to pick it. I have a lot of scars because of this. I know gross! 2-I don't think it is a bad habit but Ben does, sleeping with socks on. I can't sleep without them. 3-Getting addicted to television shows. I love my DVR it has saved my life. I tag, Annie, Erin and I would like to hear Jakes as well, Karole, Roshelle, Janille, and Whit
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Not You Mom!
Its always amazing the day you realize that you arent the favorite person in your daughter's life. The one that she always wants to be with. Yesterday was picture day for preschool, they were going to have a class picture, but first they needed to get a picture with their mom. Of course I tried to get Cambree all cute, and tried to at least look presentable myself. Karole came and picked us up. We got to the door and Karole went first with each individiual boy and then it was my turn. I sit down on the bench and tell Cambree to come. Cambree: (crying) I want to get my picture with Karole! Me: (trying to avoid the crying fit that would make her look like we had just gone the rounds in her pictures) "Just come sit with me and have your picture taken." Cambree: I want to sit with Karole! Me: (to avoid any other conflict) Fine you can sit with her for one minute and then its my turn. Cambree sits with Karole and they have a great mother daughter shot, then its my turn. We'll see how this turned out. Honestly, if it had been anybody else I would have probably been crushed. I am just glad that she loves Karole as much as I do. Believe me I would have rather been sitting with Karole too. That was obviously a joke. I love when Cambree is bawling and making a scene.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Would I do it again?
"A teacher, conducting a class, said it was unwise ever to attempt, even to permit them [the Martin handcart company] to come across the plains under such conditions.”
Then President McKay quoted an observer who was present in that class: “Some sharp criticism of the Church and its leaders was being indulged in for permitting any company of converts to venture across the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart caravan afforded.
“An old man in the corner … sat silent and listened as long as he could stand it, then he arose and said things that no person who heard him will ever forget. His face was white with emotion, yet he spoke calmly, deliberately, but with great earnestness and sincerity.
“In substance [he] said, ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts mean nothing here, for they give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it and Sister Nellie Unthank whom you have cited was there, too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? …
“ ‘I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’ ”
He continues: “ ‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.
“ ‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.’ ” 1
This is how I feel to all those who question what I have done to bring my daughter here. I would do it all again if I knew that was the Lords will. I know that He lets us know what and when things need to happen and I only pray that I can be in tune enough to here the call. I would like to change this part of the quote "Was I sorry that I chose to have Cambree? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to "bring Cambree into the world."
I guess I have been thinking about this more and more because Cambree is nearing her 4th birthday. I look at her and wonder where has the time gone? She is such an amazingly beautiful, spirited little girl and I am so blessed to call her mine. She makes the sun shine.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
My cup runneth over
I absolutley love the movie Hope Floats and love when the grandma says "my cup runneth over" I often feel this way about my life. I have been incredibly blessed with such an amazing husband, and beautiful daughter. It is hard to put into words the love that I have for them. I am sure that all of you feel this way about your spouses and children. Last night as they left from a weekend at the hospital I was so overjoyed with the weekend we had had together. I was sad to have them go but I felt so full of love for them and from them. It definitely isnt easy being in the hospital, Ben does so much while I am gone. He is mom and dad and he does it perfectly. When hospital workers see him lying on the floor next to my bed they all just think he is so awesome. A few have said, "you know most guys wouldnt do that." Yes believe me I know. And then Cambree having her bed in the shower. I know it sounds awful but it works for us. This way the nurses wont bother her when they come in to change my meds. We have just grown accustom to our life in the hospital however often it may be. I know that it effects everyone more than they let on. Cambree is such a happy girl, but when she comes and hugs me for 10 min. after not seeing me all week I know that this is effecting her more than previously thought and it breaks my heart. I always wonder when she is going to realize that other moms don't do this. She is amazing though and is very resiliant. I know I am pretty much rambling but I just wanted to share some of the great things I have been feeling this weekend. I wish I had a camera so I could take a pic of before Ben shows up for the weekend and after. While I am here I get pretty cluttered and the first thing he does is just clean it all up before he even sits down. Then right before he leaves he does the same thing. It is just those little things along with the great things that mean so much to me and show the great love that he has for me. We had such great pillow talk this past weekend. It was awesome. Ben and I as most of you know are talkers, we talk all of the time, but it is those deep conversations that really bring people closer together. I just really enjoyed that time we shared and can't wait to go home.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
An interesting turn of events
I know it has been quite some time since I have posted. Our lives have been crazy the past couple of weeks. First off for those of you that arent familiar with Bens family situation, his mom had him when she was 17 and he has never known his father. He knew his name but that was all. He had been into drugs and became schizophrenic and his mom thought it best that he wasnt in their lives. The morning of Jan. 25 I received a phone call from his aunt letting me know that his Grandma had just read his fathers obituary in the paper http://www.legacy.com/saltlaketribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=101840408 I called Ben and let him know and we read the obituary. We were surprised that Ben was named in it. He had apparantly died on the 18th and they were just having the funeral on the 26th. I thought for sure that Ben wouldnt even consider going. I asked him and he said he was thinking about it. I thought that he should to get closure and to even just learn a little more aobut a man that he never knew. Amazingly from the obituary so many of his attributes could be linked to Ben as well. I think this had an affect on him. He wasnt sure why he was feeling a sense of loss when there was never any relationship to begin with. I encouraged Ben to go, but knew that it had to be his decision. He prayed about it and felt that he should go. I was very nervous as we were driving to Salt Lake. His grandma came with us and Ben felt fine until we pulled into the church. He then started to feel a little nervous. He really didnt want anyone to notice him or ask who he was. He just wanted to go listen and leave with no contact or introductions. He had never met any of these people. When we got there we looked at the program and they had Ben listed as a pallbearer. He said that he didnt feel comfortable doing that. We sat through the funeral which was very nice and we found out that Kevin (Bens dad) had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. At the end of the funeral the bishop stood up and announced the pallbearer. He said, "Ben, Kevins biological son who couldnt be here today. Ben was relieved. We thought we would get out unnoticed. We headed out and down the sidewalk. Everyone was grouped together and it was very hard to get through. Ben was keeping his distance from his grandma because he thought that Kevins mom would recognize her and connect the two. In the meantime I am praying silently that if we are supposed to meet these people that someone will recognize him. Remember they have never seen Ben before. 30 seconds later the oldest sister comes running up to him, "Are you? Are you him?" She then had tears streaming down her face. Ben shook his head and she gave him the biggest hug. I of course got choked up. The next few minutes are almost a blur. Ben describes it as feeling like Britney Spears with the paparazzi. There was constant yelling from various people, "This is Benjamin! Here's Benjamin! Benjamin's here! Its Kevins son!" We then found out that they had been searching for him for a very long time. One of the cousins was searching through old Cottonwood High School year books thinking that was where he graduated from. They had googled his name in many different ways not knowing what his last name was, thinking it was Pehrson but of course spelling it wrong. We then went to the graveside where they asked Ben to dedicate the grave. Which was a bit overwhelming for Ben. He graciously declined. After the dedication of the grave we went back and had lunch with them all. They were the nicest people and radiated the love that they have for Ben. You could tell that they loved him and that they have loved him all his life without even knowing him. It was such a surreal experience and I am so glad that we were able to go and that the Lord lead us there. We have spoken with the cousins a couple times and hope to continue to get to know them better. So all in all it was an amazing experience. Then this week after feeling great for the past month I began to get very sick Saturday night and ended up in the hospital on Tuesday. I am hoping it is only a two week visit but we will see what happens. Sorry this post is so long, but just thought I would share our amazing experience. Hope all is well with all of you!
