Recalling Easter

Cambree came down in our bed this morning and as she lay there and I thought of the things going on today I couldnt help but reflect on Easter four years ago. Little did I know what lay before me. The exact date is failing me now, but it was the first weekend in April when everything started. I mostly recall this because it was conference weekend (Easter is coming very early this year). At the time I was very naive and 31 weeks pregnant.

I had been having a little rib pain and some labored breathing, but didnt think too much of it. I figured, " I have a baby growing inside me, who wouldnt have a difficulty breathing?" That is until I got in the shower on Sunday morning and as I was getting out I cleared my throat and as I did so I heard a small pop and the pain that shot through me was like 1000 little knives digging into my side. It nearly brought me too my knees. I then wincing in pain went and woke Ben up. I told him what had happened and we hurried to the ER in Mt. Pleasant. Anyone that has ever been to the ER in Sanpete County will understand the frustration. I sat in the ER in considerable pain for 30 min. or longer waiting for the ER doctor to arrive, all I could think was, well at least Im not dying or we could really have some problems. I explained what happened. He didnt seem too concerned and didnt want to do X-rays for fear of harming the baby. He sent me home with some pain pills and a pat on the back.

My parents got me a comfortable chair to sit, sleep in and as I sat there that night I got a phone call from my Bishop asking me to speak next sunday, Easter sunday. I was to speak on the atonement. My thoughts were, well if I say yes then I know the Lord will bless me to be able to do it. The week that follows is a bit of a blur. I slept a lot, had a lot of pain. I did go to my CF doctor the next day and they put me on oxygen continuously. This was new to me and I hated it. I knew I needed it though and wanted to make sure the baby was well taken care of. I didnt do my lung tests because of the pain in my side and neither I nor my doctor thought I should be admitted into the hospital at this point.

I wrote my talk and I guess the main point that I am even sharing all of this is to share what my talk was about, seeing as how it will soon be Easter. I remember waking up that morning and realizing that I was definitely in more trouble than I had otherwise considered. I was needing 4 litres of oxygen at a time and was still quite breathless, my fingertips were blue, which indicates I am not getting enough oxygen. The machine I had only went up to 4. I went to church and how I was every able to get through this talk I will never know.

This is right after I spoke in Sacrament. Its amazing how good I look considering how sick I was

I spoke of a time when I was at Weber State (at the time 2 years previous, now it being 6 years ago) and having difficulty with my health...

It was my second year at Weber and I had been coughing up some blood. Nothing major, but it didnt seem to cease. I had had one major episode at Disney on ice. I remember my brother giving me a blessing and I was in the hospital within a few days. My mom came up to be with me and would not leave my side. I told her she was being silly, but moms know best. I am now very grateful for a mothers intuition. Our first night in the hospital I woke around 3:00 a.m. to an awful feeling, you know the feeling where you know that something isnt quite right? I began to cough and felt a pool forming in my lungs, It felt as though I could drown at any moment. I ran to the bathroom threw the light on and began to cough into the toilet. Bright red blood began to fill what was once a porcelein fixture. My mom rushed in and to much surprise was as calm as I have ever seen her. If any of you know my mom you know she isnt always calm, especially in crisis situation. Although I am not sure that we had ever experienced this type of crisis before. As I stood there leaning over the toilet all I could think of was my Savior. I remember thinking, "its really interesting that this is what I would think of at this moment." I remember thinking of him in Gethsemane bleeding from every pore and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He had experienced this exact moment on my behalf and if He could go through this then I could get through it as well with His help. I remember there being chaos around. The nurses running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but all I felt was a calmness and a peace surrounding me. I knew that my Savior had experienced more than I could ever imagine and He would carry me through to the end.

I found the words that I spoke very comforting as I went on to the hospital the next day to experience more than I ever could have imagined. Its amazing to me how time works. Six years ago I was coughing up more blood than I could ever recall, 4 years ago I was very pregnant entering the hosptial not knowing if I would come out before my baby was born and now, here I sit with a lovely daughter and an amazing husband. It feels like yesterday that theses moments in my life occurred but yet the process to get where I am seems like it took forever. I believe we recall these moments in our lives with such clarity so that we will never forget what has brought us to where we are. We may not remember every detail of how we got here, but the major events will help us to never forget. I know that our Savior lives and that He is constantly here for us and constantly aware of our situation. He has been there and He knows whatever we go through. This is how we become closer with Him. The "refiners fire."

Alma 7:11-12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.