Who knew? Well, I am in the hospital again and hopefully got here before things got completely out of control. I have to say that I feel as if I have given everyone the wrong impression of me. I really don't talk much about the downs of what I go through and mostly because I try to stay positive and for the most part I think I am a positive person, but again i don't want to give the wrong impression. I am not always so full of Faith, my faith definitely is lacking at times one of those times being yesterday. I have to say I really struggled with knowing that I was coming in again. My philosophy in life has been to never ask "Why me?" but rather "What can I learn from this?" Yesterday, I still wasnt asking why me, but frustration was definitely at its peak. 4 months is not long enough to be out of the hospital especially when it took nearly 3 just to feel the way I felt before I went in in August. I was finally getting my motivation to exercise without absolutely forcing myself and finally feeling as thought I was getting back on track. The biggest problem with CF is how fast it can hit you. Granted I deal with it on a daily basis, but when I get a cold it can literally take my lung function down from the high 4o's to the 30's in a matter of a couple of days. Everything I gain can be lost in a matter of moments and take so long to gain back if it is gained back at all. I have been told of some wonderful things that are going to happen and keep thinking that they should have happened by now. All in the Lords time. I know that but boy do I grow impatient sometimes. I begin to doubt the things that I feel I have been told and wonder if it is all me. Not putting the faith in the Lord that I need to. Luckily, the Lord knows us so well. Yesterday as I was feeling sorry for myself and letting tears fall I decided to turn on the TV and watch KBYU well of course its something that I need to hear about how our trials are for our good and the Lord will help to succor us in our time of need and that we need to take his yoke upon us. it was definitely something that I needed to hear. I also received an amazing blessing from my husband that again gave me the reassurance that I need every now and again. I am so thankful for this gospel and although, I definitely have doubts I do know without a shadow of a doubt the Love that the lord has for me and that he will always be here for me and my family no matter what we are going through. Thanks to all of you for your love and prayers. My attitude has taken a 180 today and I feel good about being here. I pray that my numbers will get higher than they have been and that I can do some soul searching that is over due. As for pics of Christmas and all that, well I tried again and yet again they failed so I will try when i get home. Hopefully it is only a 2 week stay with no major incidences.
Monday, January 5, 2009
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13 comments:
Em, we love you and our prayers are with you. If there is a day you need lunch or dinner let me know. We would love to come visit. Love you
I really admire your faith, strength, and testimony. You are an amazing person. I love reading your blog. It seems to give me the strength I need to carry on. I hope you get out soon. You're in our thoughts and prayers.
Gosh Em i feel terrible you are there again already. Too bad we weren't there at the same time. If it quits snowing, I'll come see you, get feeling better really soon.
You state that we bloggin' buddies overestimate your faith...I assure you that is not the case. Doubt comes to ALL. President Eyring has talked about his. True faith is not having moments of weakness but in working through them with the understanding that God is there, which is exactly what you do.
You and your family will be in my prayers. I'll be praying for your health, and for you to keep your spirits up. Hang in there!!!
Hey Em you just hang in there. You are an amazing person to me. I look up to you more than you will ever know. You are in our prayers as well.
O Emilee, I'm so sorry that you are in AGAIN! We will for sure be praying for you at this end! Your are so strong! Maybe I need to take two weeks off and come and do some soul searching with you! I love you so much! Could you email me you number? I would LOVE to chat!
Hey Emilee. Well, you are human and you have every right to be frustrated. It's amazing you have kept your faith through all that you have experienced in your life. Many would have just cursed God by now, and you haven't done that, so don't feel too bad. Most of us can't even begin to know what you have gone through in your life. All I can think is that the Lord knows that you are a strong soul, because he wouldn't give you more than you can handle, but you sure have dealt with a lot! Our prayers are with you! Love,Tonee
You hospital lover you! What's the deal? :) I hope it's a quick stay and you get feeling better very soon. Please let me know if you need anything. Raegan and I are just chillin at home and keeping warm from the cold. Love ya, Kellie
Hey Em, just wanted to say hello and let you know we're thinking of you. I hope you have a very short hospital stay and get back home soon. Take care!
Emilee...I hope that you are only in their for a short while....and I hhope as soon as you get out...I go in. Your such an example to everyone who knows you. You are in my prayers. Let me know what you need.
I hope time flies by. I would love to come and see you if you don't care if I bring my active children. My husband is out of town for most of January with his work.
Em--I hope your visit is short and that you have lots of visitors. I wish I were closer!
I think that you're describing frustrations that we all have--we get assurances that everything is going to be okay and that HF is mindful of us--but it's hard to be patient and to have faith that that's really true. For what it's worth, I think that you're 20x ahead of where I am developmentally. You're an inspiration!
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