Her Diamonds

So I absolutely love Rob Thomas and most of the music that he puts out. I loved matchbox 20 and I love that he went solo as well. When the new song Her Diamonds came out I knew it was a very deep and emotional song. I then read an article about the new album he put out and it mentioned what the song her diamonds was all about. It is about his wife that has an autoimmune disease. I looked up the words to read them more closely and I just began to cry. Every so often I come across a song that describes something in my life so clearly. As I read the words, clear images of Ben and I came to my mind and I thought of the nights like this that it is describing. For the most part I am able to deal with CF with dignity and grace, but every now and again I get overwhelmed with the dealings of it all and it spills out into the night as pent up raw emotions. It doesnt happen very often and I usually only need a little bit and then I am fine, but eventually it always comes. I felt like this song portrays very well what I cant put into words. I am pretty sure it is a great way of how Ben feels which is really what made me cry. Although a somewhat depressing song for me. I absolutley love it! Her Diamonds Oh what the hell she says I just can’t win for losing And she lays back down Man there’s so many times I don’t know what I’m doing Like I don’t know now By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes Says it’s funny how the night Can make you blind I can just imagine And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do But if she feels bad then I do too So I let her be Chorus And she says uuuh I can’t take no more Her tears like diamonds on the floor And her diamonds bring me down Cause I can’t help her now She’s down in it She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s Hard to see them on the ground Her diamonds falling down She sits down and stares into the distance And it takes all night And I know I could break her concentration Oooh but it don’t feel right By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes Sits down on the bed and starts to cry And there’s something less about her And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do So I sit down and I cry too Don’t let her see Chorus And she says uuuhI can’t take no more Her tears like diamonds on the floor And her diamonds bring me down Cause I can’t help her now She’s down in it She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s Hard to see them on the ground Her diamonds falling down Bridge She shuts out the night Tries to close her eyes If she can find daylight She’ll be all right She’ll be all right Just not tonight Chorus And she says oooh I can’t take no more Her tears like diamonds on the floor And her diamonds bring me down CauseI can’t help her now She’s down in it She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s Hard to see them on the ground Her diamonds falling down(repeat) I can’t take no more Diamonds on the floor Her diamonds falling down I can’t take this diamonds falling down

Dogs and more!

Well we did it. We finally got a puppy! Isnt he just adorable? My brother brought him to us from his sister in law and I couldnt resist. Ben was not too happy about it, but I think he has warmed up to the idea. Cambree and the kids decided to name him Doug (we had just been to the movie up, so Doug was fresh on their minds) That night Cambree said, "mom I dont want my dog to be named doug." I told her we could think of a different name for him. I woke up that morning and looked for different names online. I finally narrowed it down to a few and when Cambree woke up I gave her the options. She was then adamint that her dog was going to be named Doug. I was now completely disliking the name Doug. We finally found something we both loved. Oz! So here is our dog. He has many names actually, Oz, Ozzie, Oswald, or Ozzie Bear. Everyone says he looks like a little bear.

The dog formerly known as Doug.

We had a birthday party at my moms house for my cousin Dakota. He loves Star Wars so I made him a darth vader cake. I think it turned out pretty good.

Here's whit with two of her beautiful nieces

The whole crew in their cool sunglasses. They all had so much fun!

Both of my brothers also got puppies from the same litter. This is shadow that is curled next to Oz. They were so pooped after a big day. Oz is honestly the best dog. He sleeps in our garage and is so good to not go the bathroom in their as long as we leave an escape for him. He adores Cambree and when we go walking in the morning he has a hard time coming with me if Cambree isnt with us on her bike. We just love our new addition to the family.

All things May

I have been the worst blogger lately. I am not exactly sure why, its certainly not because the weather has been fabulous and I have found so many fun things to do. Just being a slacker. Anyway, here are some of the fun things we did in May. It was really filled with tons of stuff. Cambrees dance recital. She had to dance with her dad, it was pretty cute. We are a happy family... Cambree with Grandma and Grandpa Ericksen

I decided to bite the bullet and teach Cambree how to ride a bike. My great friend Kevin let me have his little girls Dora bike and I found it was much easier to teach her on this than on her bigger princess bike. I watched a Youtube video to see what to do since I dont have the first idea of teaching someone how to ride a bike. It gave me this great idea. I started her at our front porch, started running with her and then kept telling her to pedal. Because she ends up on our dirt filled front yard it teaches her to pedal harder and if she falls she doesnt get hurt. Thanks Youtube:)

It honestly took her about an hour and then she started to get the hang of it.

I put her on the road and off she went. I was so proud that I could say I taught her how to ride a bike. I even pulled out the oxygen to run with her. At one point going downhill I was running with her and I knew I could have let go, but was scared to. I realized I hadnt taught her very well how to stop. The next day her dad took her out and taught her the ins and outs of riding, turning around, stopping, slowing down etc... what a good dad. She is a pro now!

Cambree officially graduating from preschool. I cant believe she will be in Kindergarten this year.

Cambree with Grandma and Grandpa Cox

We are so proud:)

Girls night out. KC was so sweet, he took all the kids and let us go have a night out. We went and got pedicures and went to dinner. It was so much fun.

This is somewhat telling of their relationship. They dont always get along the best.

And then there are these two, I dont know maybe a romance will evolve:)

Crazy kids bowling

The day we had to leave, Braxton kept saying, "Don't leave me!" It was so cute.

Karole has the cutest boys. Cambree and I wanted to take Kole home with us.

We honestly had the best time.

Cambree missed her daddy so much. One night she said, "mom I miss daddy." I said, "I know honey, we will call him."

"I don't want to call him, I want to hold him." It was so cute.

My gorgeous daughter, so happy to be home.

The day after we got home Cambree was playing around and went to jump in a chair, the chair fell backward with her in it and she hit her head on our speaker. She ended up getting 3 staples. Oddly enough it didnt hardly bleed. I still cant believe it happened. I have never had stiches or staples other than in surgerys and my girl has had both. It healed great though and luckily it healed great and is in the back where you wont ever see it unless she gets some crazy idea to shave her head.

Cambree turns 5 and a whole lot of parties

We have had quite an exciting two weeks. We had 3 days of celebration for Cambrees birthday. Friday was her friend party and then party with Grandma and Grandpa Ericksen, Saturday was dinner with mom and dad and she got to take a friend with and Sunday was her actual birthday. We had dinner at the Grandma and Grandpa Cox's and all her cousins. The next week was her tumbling state competition and she did such a great job. Then my wonderful husband got me tickets to Wicked for mothers day. What an amazing show! I loved every minute of it and would go to it again in a heartbeat. It was fantastic. The present table Well its official, my baby is no longer a baby. I can't believe that she is 5 already. Time flies too quickly. She had a great birthday and of course the theme was High School Musical. If anyone has spent any time with us as of late this should not be a surprise. The girl is obsessed. I believe she received 7 presents all having something to do with High School Musical. She is such a spoiled girl. But hopefully not a spoiled brat:) Dont let the balloon touch the ground game Opening presents The party crew, yes I know that is way too many kids. They had a great time though.

Freeze dance. If you ever need a good laugh play freeze dance with a bunch of 5 year olds. Its a riot.

Every year Ben and I take Cambree to do something fun and out to dinner wherever she chooses. This year we let her choose a friend to bring. She chose her cousin Adam. These two are crazy.

Oh the wonderful free cake

We then went to jumpin jacks and the kids had so much fun

Her actual birthday, Sunday the 26th. Ben and I opted out of buying toys and got her a map of the United States to learn all of the capitols and other info. I told her her gift was interesting and when she opened it she said, "Wow, this is interesting."

We sure love our girl!

Her birthday cake This year Cambree has been in a tumbling class. She also was on the competitive team and it has been a lot of fun for her. Due to a trip to cancun, and then a trip to the hospital this is the first meet I was able to go to. I was so proud of my baby.

3rd place on the trampoline. How adorable. Everybody gets a trophy, but it was fun to actually have her place 3rd.

Stretching with the older girls, they love her.

She also took 3rd on her floor routine.

Here is her routine on the double mini. She took 2nd in the routine.

A Humbling Moment

The Saturday before Easter Cambree was asking about dying and was upset that everybody dies. We tried to explain it as best we could and I think we put her mind at ease a little. Then came Easter and on Monday after Easter for Family home Evening we watched Faith in Christ which portrays the Crucifixion. Not as intensely as the Lamb of God movie but it does show things that make me want to cry. That night Cambree seemed fine and we asked her if she had any questions. She said she didn't. Then Tuesday night came and Ben was playing basketball late so I let Cambree lay by me and go to sleep until her dad came home to take her to her bed. This is our conversation: Mom: Honey are you okay? (she was acting sad) Cambree:(starting to cry) I just didn't want Jesus to die? Mom: Oh babe, its okay everybody dies and that isn't a bad thing. Cambree: But I just didn't want him to die (crying harder now) Mom: I know honey, but do you know what the coolest thing about his death is? He died because He loves us so much and He made it so we can live with Heavenly Father and Him again and that we can live together as a family forever even after we die. Cambree: But I just want Him here with us. Mom: He is here with us, we may not be able to see him but we can feel him and know that he is here. Cambree: I just want him to be alive. Mom: Honey he is alive. He lives. Remember what happened 3 days after he died. Cambree: He was resurrected Mom: Yes, and what does that mean? Cambree: That he is alive. Mom: Exactly, is something else bothering you? Cambree: I just didn't want them to put those nails in his hands. Mom: Oh I know honey, they were so mean to him. That is why we need to be nice to everyone and we need to make sure that when someone is being mean to someone else that we tell them to stop. Can you do that? Can you be my brave girl? Cambree: Yes, I will. Mom: You are the sweetest girl At this point I had tears in my eyes. This conversation went on for about 15 minutes. It was amazing to hear the love that my 4 nearly 5 year old daughter has for our Savior. It was such a testimony builder to me to see the Crucifixion through her eyes. If only everyone in the world could have this realization. I am sure there are adults that haven't put as much thought into it as she has. She is wise beyond her years and teaches us everyday. I am so thankful for her and to watch as her little testimony continues to grow and nourish. I just pray that I am doing what I need to be doing and teaching her in the way that is pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

In a Funk

Do you ever feel like you are in a funk? I have felt this way for quite sometime now. I am not quite sure why. I think it may have something to do with this being the month of all the craziness that occured 5 years ago. I always seem to remember day by day what occurred. I dont try to, I just do. I asked Ben if he does and he said no, maybe it is just a girl thing. Or maybe when your life is nearly taken you dont forget that very easily. This time of year just reminds me of all that I have been through. I am so grateful for where I am, but yet at this point I just thought maybe things would be a bit different. My baby is nearly 5 and I cant quite get a handle on that. I love watching her grow and see who she is becoming, but I hate that she is growing up. I can hardly find the motivation to exercise anymore. I was doing so well with P90X and now I just cant seem to have a desire. Granted I still exercise at least twice a week, but it used to be 4-5 and I know I need to get back to that. I guess since Feb. of last year when I decided to start doing a more extensive workout I felt like I would see changes in my CF. I have definitely seen changes physically, but not with my CF. I felt like I received so many answers from the Lord back in Feb. of 08 and yet none of those answers seem to be happening. I know I need to be patient. My time and His time are completely different, I just get frustrated and feel as if my faith must definitely be lacking. I dont question the Lord, I question myself. I know I am just rambling now, but I just have so many things going through my mind. I see so many around me having babies and/or being pregnant and I am so happy for them and I just want to be able to do that for myself again without risking my health or my life. Then I see others that arent even able to have their own and I feel so ungrateful that I am not just satisfied with my beautiful baby girl. I know that I am so blessed. Sometimes I look at my life, I look at Ben and Cambree and I think what on earth more do I need. I have a wonderful loving and caring husband and a beautiful daughter and my CF really hasnt progressed in quite sometime. I am truly a blessed person so why am I in a funk? I really wish I knew how to get out of it.

Oh Cambree

This post is totally dedicated to my beautiful daughter Cambree and the craziness that is her. Everyday is something new with her. Here are a few things that she has said and or done over the past little while. The cutting her hair incident. Ben and I just recently talked about how Cambree has never cut her hair and that she is probably past that point. We were sorely mistaken. The night before we were going to Cancun Cambree was making pictures and got the scissors out which she often does. Cambree: mom, my hair is getting long. Mom: yeah it is getting long (without looking) Cambree: Look mom Cambree is holding a big chunk of hair in her hands Mom: (trying not to laugh) oh that's good I didnt even raise my voice to her and she begins sobbing hysterically. I think she realized what she had done. I had Ben call his cousin to see if she could fix it before we left but she didnt have her scissors with her so my dad was going to take her the next day. Ben explained what we wanted done with it, but I think its hard to explain over the phone and not being there to tell someone. Needless to say there was miscommunication and Cambree's hair is now very short. When I talked to her on the phone she said "it looks like a boy" I think we have told her how cute it is that she is okay with it now, but I am pretty sure she will never be cutting her own hair again. I made her hold her hair for a pic, this was after all the tears were shed. Isnt she stinkin adorable? I look at these pics and really miss her beautiful hair. Here is another funny from her: while in the tub rubbing a loofa on her arm Cambree: "mom, this smooth away is amazing. I dont have any hair on my arms anymore." If any of you have seen the infomercial for smooth away you know what this is. I was shocked that she was so aware. I really need to be careful about commercials and everything with her. She is so observant. Just yesterday Cambree was with my mom and some lady asked her what her name was Cambree: "my name is Cambree, but I wish it were Gabriella." Cambree is obsessed with High School Musical these days. I refuse to ever call her Gabriella. A few months ago our friends Karole and KC were out here with their 2 little boys Braxton and Isaac. We went over to visit with them and let the kids play. When we left Cambree kissed Braxton on the cheek. I reminded her of our no kissing until 20 rule and she laughed. When we got out in the car I said, "Cambree you know you arent supposed to kiss, right?" Cambree: "Well mom you know when Braxton and I are 20 I am sure we will be kissing." Oh boy what do I have to look forward to with this one? And last but certainly not least while learning about the letter X teacher: the letter x doesnt start with very many words, x-ray, xylophone, but it is at the end of a lot of words like box and fox. Cambree turns to my cousins kids, "and the word sex, (turning to mrs. king) right? the word sex ends with x" teacher: yes Cambree that does end with x but we arent going to talk about that right now. When I heard this story I was horrified. I have no idea where she heard it although I am sure it came from tv, not that I let her watch what I watch but I am sure it has been said when I thought she wasnt around, who knows. I felt like the worst mom. Its one of those stories or jokes that you hear that you really never actually hear happen first hand.