Do you ever feel like you are in a funk? I have felt this way for quite sometime now. I am not quite sure why. I think it may have something to do with this being the month of all the craziness that occured 5 years ago. I always seem to remember day by day what occurred. I dont try to, I just do. I asked Ben if he does and he said no, maybe it is just a girl thing. Or maybe when your life is nearly taken you dont forget that very easily. This time of year just reminds me of all that I have been through. I am so grateful for where I am, but yet at this point I just thought maybe things would be a bit different. My baby is nearly 5 and I cant quite get a handle on that. I love watching her grow and see who she is becoming, but I hate that she is growing up. I can hardly find the motivation to exercise anymore. I was doing so well with P90X and now I just cant seem to have a desire. Granted I still exercise at least twice a week, but it used to be 4-5 and I know I need to get back to that. I guess since Feb. of last year when I decided to start doing a more extensive workout I felt like I would see changes in my CF. I have definitely seen changes physically, but not with my CF. I felt like I received so many answers from the Lord back in Feb. of 08 and yet none of those answers seem to be happening. I know I need to be patient. My time and His time are completely different, I just get frustrated and feel as if my faith must definitely be lacking. I dont question the Lord, I question myself. I know I am just rambling now, but I just have so many things going through my mind. I see so many around me having babies and/or being pregnant and I am so happy for them and I just want to be able to do that for myself again without risking my health or my life. Then I see others that arent even able to have their own and I feel so ungrateful that I am not just satisfied with my beautiful baby girl. I know that I am so blessed. Sometimes I look at my life, I look at Ben and Cambree and I think what on earth more do I need. I have a wonderful loving and caring husband and a beautiful daughter and my CF really hasnt progressed in quite sometime. I am truly a blessed person so why am I in a funk? I really wish I knew how to get out of it.
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7 comments:
We all feel like we're in a funk at some point or another. Just keep in mind that you are one of the most faithful people I know. You have such a positive outlook on life and always make the best of your situation. And just because your little angel is here doesn't mean you can't wish for another. All that says is that you're a great mom and you want to bring other angels into the world. You are such a great person and you'll get through it. You always do!
I'm blaming it on the gloomy weather we've had for the past looong months--and it's another rainy, gloomy, cold day here today. Lately I have been listening to conference talks and I'm totally hooked! I think I've been starving for spiritual sustenance. I think everyone goes through these moments, Em, so thanks for the honest post!
You are soooo awesome and don't ever forget that. Spiritually, I couldn't ask for a better example. Mentally, you AMAZE me...you rarely complain and always have a positive attitude (I think its ok that you get into a funk every once in awhile:)). Physically, you are doing the best you can do. You have far greater challenges than the rest of us and we can't motivate ourselves to workout so don't be disappointed. You have done what you know you are supposed to do and in time it will all make sense. I know if I were in this situation you would tell me to have faith and to go to the temple! So, my friend that is my advise to you and I know you will feel at peace. I love you and would do ANYTHING for you, so please remember that. Hang in there and hold your head high...you are one of the most AMAZING people I have EVER known!
Love ya
Oh Em, don't ever feel like you aren't worthy of anything due to your lack of faith because we all know that you are one of the most faithful people around. Don't worry, this funk will pass. You've always had such a positive attitude so it's ok if you feel like this every now and then.
I think it's time we all hang out again...it's been a while huh?!!
Keep your chin Up Em!! If you need to vent call me! Anytime!!!
Just remember we only have our lives cause we are strong enough to live them!
You are VERY blessed but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be blessed with another lil baby. I trust it will all work out how you want it to!
I'm so sorry! I think I must be in that some kind of funk in my own way. For me it was a year ago I started running. Mostly to get my mind off not being pregnant. It was amazing what running did for me. Each month after the disappointment of not being pregnant AGAIN I would be okay, telling myself that I could run the next race or keep training. Well in January after my 3rd marathon, I found out that it was the running that might be harming me. So I stopped. I have been on fertility drugs once again for a few months now and still nothing! I'm going NUTS! Now I am trying to get the modivation to start working out again. When I think about it I have no idea how I did that. I am SO LAZY right now! So now I am like you, looking at my family and thinking...I'm okay with this. I am SO LUCKY for each of them in my life. I HATE when things don't work out the way I want! But the Lord always has bigger and better plans! I LOVE YOU! Thanks for listening to me vent.
Sorry, friend. Been there recently, though your's is much more deserved. It's a rotten place to be and takes a minute to get out of. Good luck. Know you are loved so much even though it is rough now.
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