"whats so special about mothers?"

Im sure many of you have either seen or heard of the movie Mars Needs Moms.  But have you ever read the book?  It is a beautiful book with an even more beautiful message.  Everytime I read this book to my children, I cry.  As I read it to Lawson this morning my reaction was no different.  It got me thinking about my relationship with my children and then even further my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Those that know me well, or have been reading this blog for awhile understand that every April memories come rushing back to me and envelope my soul.  They take me back every year to the time that I was pregnant and struggling for survival, mine and my daughters.  It never fails.  Its not conscious and sometimes I dont even realize it is happening until I am fully engulfed in my emotions and sit wondering what on earth is the matter with me, only then to realize it is that time of year.  I dont dread it, its not a sad time, but a time of rememberance and reflection that leads me to ponder much about my life and my purpose.  This year was no different.  In all honesty, I think this year is slightly harder than the past few have been.  It is this realization that my daughter is turning 8 years old.  In our religion, this is a very significant age.  It is the age of accountability, the age where they are baptized and make covenants with our Heavenly Father, the age where they receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.  The past nine months, all I keep asking myself is, "Have I done enough, have I taught her enough?"  I dont think I will ever know the answer to this question.  I can only pray that I have done my best and wherever Ben and I have been lacking that Heavenly Father will make up the rest. 

I remember when Cambree wasnt even 1 and I was told that I had a 50% chance that I would live 5 years.  I went through so many different scenarios in my head and wondered, truly wondered if I would live to see the day that my daughter would be immersed into the waters of baptism.  If I would be here for that glorious day.  Im so happy to know that I will be and even more grateful that I am doing as well as I am healthwise.  It has definitely been a ride.  As I look over the past 8 years I wonder if I have been the best mother I can be.  Honestly, probably not all the time.  There are times I have yelled when I shouldnt have yelled, times when I didnt listen to her and I should have, times I should have taken her to the park or for a walk.  But dont we all have these moments?  I know I need to be a better mother.  I know I am harder on myself than anybody else could be, I know that I am doing my best and most importantly I know that my daughter loves me anyway. 

To conclude my jumble of thoughts, as I read Mars Needs Moms and I think on the love that mothers have for their children, that yes, they truly would give their life for the life of their child.  I think on the Savior and especially this Easter season the sacrifices that he made for all of us. I know that being a mother helps me understand a tiny bit more the love that the Savior has for me.  He did die for us, He suffered for us, and as a mother we would do the same for our babies.  Fortunately, most of us arent asked to, but it allows us to also have a better relationship with our Savior because we can understand at least to some degree why he did what he did for us.  Im so grateful for that gift and so grateful for the knowledge that I have of the atonement and sacrifice that was given on my behalf.  I pray that I can be a better mother with each passing day When the time comes I pray that I can look my Savior in his loving eyes and know that I did my best and that my children will truly know what is so special about mothers.

Day 14

TV show (or shows) you're currently addicted to-
Modern Family...my favorite show on tv right now.
The Voice...I love Adam Levine
Army Wives...the new season starts soon. I'm so excited.

My guilty pleasures that I'm not proud of:
Teen Mom 2
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
both of these seasons are over. Maybe next season I won't watch...hmmm we'll see.

Day 13

So, I'm really terrible at this. I've just decided im going to do the ones I like. Today favorite quotes, mottos or versus. Thanks to pinterest I've found lots! One of my most favorite is my blog name Miracles Happen. Here are a few more.

Day 10

I'm skipping day 9 other than food from a cafeteria I haven't bought anything for 2 weeks.

Day 10 my favorite place to eat.
I love there minestrone and lasagna fritta! So good. Pretty sure this will be lunch today.

A Cure

I just read a line in a book that I could completely relate to, it read:
"A new kind of freedom. But then...what? What would my life be like on a daily basis? Most of it has been consumed with the acquisition of food (in my case Cystic Fibrosis). Take that away and I'm not really sure who I am, what my identity is."

-The Hunger Games

For anyone that knows me really well, the word cure was never part of my vocabulary. I remember at times going to the CF doctor as a kid and them saying, "10 years, in 10 years we'll have a cure.". It was strange. Mostly strange in the fact that I didn't eat it up. In reality I didn't believe them and when I would think about not having Cystic Fibrosis anymore it scared me. I remember whenever I would tell people that they thought I was nuts. How could I not want a cure?

Ive never felt like CF defines me, but it has definitely molded and shaped me into who I am. I'm grateful for it. I feel I'm a better person for having it, not better than anyone else, it's jut helped me to be the best version of myself. The thought of losing that made me feel like I would lose, well, me. Over the years as I have had to deal with the really ugly side of CF my views have changed some. I don't think I ever actually prayed for a cure until I had my daughter and felt my life literally slipping away from me. I have never wanted anything so bad. Before, I was young and naive and had not seen or experienced whatCystic Fibrosis does, how it plays out. Now having experienced it first hand and luckily coming most of the way back, the thoughts of a cure is something I cling to, I have hope. With the new drug that just came out I feel there is hope just over the horizon and I pray that it comes sooner rather than later. I'll figure out who I am without all the treatments and hospital stays, I have a feeling it won't be too difficult.

Day 8

A Song That Fits Your Mood:

I actually have 2 that have been running through my brain.

If I Aint Got You by Alicia Keys and Blessed by Martina McBride. I feel like Blessed is my theme song for my life. Here are the lyrics for both.

If I Ain't Got You
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

[Outro:]
If I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

Blessed
I get kissed by the sun
Each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughing
Down the hall through the
Bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my
Front porch swing
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place

[Chorus]
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones
That love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinking
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift

[Chorus]

When I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I know

[Chorus]

Day 7

My Dream Wedding-
I wish I had pics of my wedding on my iPad. It was completely perfect to me. I wouldn't change a thing. It was elegant and simple, just the way I like things. In reality, and not to come off cheesy, these are the only two things I needed for perfection...and I got them both. Everything else was just icing on the cake.

The Manti Temple where we were married.