He's Here!

I cant believe that my beautiful baby boy is finally here! What an amazing experience we have all been through. I am so blessed beyond belief. I often wonder why me? Why am I so blessed, what did I do to deserve so much? I literally have had all my dreams and prayers come true and it is overwhelming and humbling. Words will never express the love and gratitude that I have for Abby for having enough faith to take this journey with me. I know I will never be worthy of all I have received but will live my life trying. Lawson was born on November 20, 2010 at 8:38 pm. He weighed 4lbs 10 oz and was 17 1/2inches long. He is such a sweet boy and looks so much like his sister did. I feel like I am having deja vu sometimes when I see him. He has been in the NICU for 2 weeks now. He was 7 weeks and 2 days early. I pray we will be able to bring him home soon and get a little bit of normalacy in our lives. What an amazing gift to bring home during this Christmas season.

Meeting his angel for the first time.

Cambree meeting her brother for the first time. Priceless...

Proud mommy!

Lawson was getting ready to sneeze. I think he looks like ET here:)

This pic is one of my favorites. Daddy finally got his boy.

So sweet! His first sponge bath. He was ticked.

Ironic

Definition: incongruity between what is expected to be and what actually is, or a situation or result showing such incongruity. Today was ironic. Why, you ask? Well seeing as how I planned a shower a few weeks ago for this exact day only to find that within 10 min. of the shower starting we get a call to come to the hospital Abby is in active labor. Yes, I find that ironic. The best part of it all was while on the way deciding to turn on the radio only to find Alanis' hit ironic blaring through the speakers. Oh yes, I see irony. I actually started laughing. I really do think God is a comedian sometimes. Im glad he has a sense of humor. It makes me happy to know he gets me:) So I am sitting in the hospital looking at my beautiful sister in law and wondering how we got to this point. My gratitude is beyond anything I can ever express. I cry every time I talk about it. This is an amazing experience and although I thought I knew what I was gettin into I dont hink there is anything that could have prepared me for this and what I would be feeling. I feel horrible knowing that she is going through this for me but beyond grateful that she would. The only thing I can compare it too is the Atonement. I know I will never fully understand either, but I pray that I will spend my life showing my love and gratitude through my actions. My cup runneth over.

Cornbellys and Halloween

This year we took Cambree to Cornbellys at Thanksgiving Point. It was a lot of fun. We had a great Halloween. Cornbellys had a few "scary" things you could walk through. Needless to say Cambree was horrified. Cambree and I trying to be scary. Just Ben and I being our goofy selves. Children of the corn

Me and my girl while getting lost.

Finally we made it! Victory it was.

We had such a fun time!

Cambree loves to get her face painted. I think it turned out pretty cute.

This year my brother Spencer and Ben went as Bert and Ernie. It was hilarious.

Cambree was a witch this year. Such a cute little witch.

The annual Ericksen family Halloween bash.

Carving our pumpkins. My brother is pleased:)

The finished project!

The kids and their craziness.

Halloween night I wore the Bert costume. We went to Bens aunt Kathi's and his uncle Kenny showed up in this bear costume. It was pretty funny.

Just before trick or treating. She had a blast not going to the trunk or teat this year. She loved it.

Disney Vacation 2010

We decided to take one final vacation with just the three of us. Cambree was so excited. I have found however, that the only big vacations we have taken Cambree on have involved Disneyland or Disney World. Although we have the best time and I would rank this vacation as one of my top 3 we definitely need to find a new vacation spot for the next few years. We have vowed to wait at least 3 years before coming back. So any advice on where to vacation with a baby and a 6 year old would be greatly appreciated. One of the highlights of our vacation. Seeing Princess Tiana on our last day! Cambree just chilling in the back as we drove into Anaheim. She is so good on these long drives.

Our first ride, Space mountain or during Halloween season, Ghost Galaxy. Lets just say Disney's idea of a ghost actually is what I picture Satan himself to look like while submerged in the depths of hell. Talk about a scary demon. Cambree was not thrilled as shown above.

The infamous tea cups, Ben was not happy as show by his totally fake smile. We were so excited to see Alice and crew. We have never seen them before and Cambree was so happy.

I love Ben and tigger, hilarious! On the tram for another day of fun!

I love the Halloween decorations

Minnie getting ready for take off outside of Soarin over California.

We decided to do something really fun for Cambree so we went to Studio 365 and they turned her into a rock star. She loved how she looked. Sitting patiently. I wish she was this good when I do her hair.

Waiting to see what she looks like. The finished product. Everyone kept telling her how cute she looked. She said to me, "Mom, that lady that did my hair kept calling me a rock star. Do I look like a rock star?" I said, "Yes, you do look like a rockstar."

"I feel like a rock star!"

It was so cute. She also kept saying this was the best day of her life. She is too funny. Melted my heart.

We went on Peter Pans flight for the first time and absolutely loved it. When it was over Cambree said, "That was my first time flying."

Bug eyes! We really wanted to see Goofy, but we settled for his son Max:) I had a great friend that made Cambree the cutest autograph book, people kept asking us where we got it. We had a goofy page but had Max sign it instead. Thanks Heather you are the best!

Woody and the green army man. We saw some characters that we have never seen before. We also saw Jessie. So fun! I thought this was such a cute picture. As soon as we got done some guy came and got in. It was really funny. All the times we have been to California with Cambree this was her first time to see the ocean or be on the beach since she was one, which really doesnt count since she cant remember a bit of it. She loved it. She wanted to surf. We may just need to move here to get a little surfer and I can breath so much easier its so nice!

Isnt she the cutest? I absolutely love this picture! I need to get it blown up. Its so cute!

Good-bye to California for the next few years. I cant wait to bring my baby boy here and have him love it all as much as we do!

Difficult Conversatins part II

So it finally happend. I finally had THE conversation with Cambree. Im not quite sure how it got to this point, it was certainly not something I had been planning unless you count all of the time since she was born Ive spent pondering what on earth I would say to my daughter when the time was right and how on earth would I know just when that "right" time was? It began something like this: Cambree: Mom, why cant I ever eat breakfast at school? Me: Because I am not going to pay for breakfast when I have perfectly good food at home to eat. Cambree: But it would save time in the morning so we arent late. (this girl has such good logic) Me: Well I am not going to pay more money out for breakfast when it is cheaper for you to eat at home. Okay, heres the deal, maybe next time I go in the hospital dad will let you eat breakfast at school so he can drop you off at 8:00 and not be late for work. (I think I am giving a great answer that will satisfy both of us. Needless to say, this is not what happened. Not even close.) Cambree then begins to cry. Cambree: I thought you werent ever going back in the hospital again. Me: Cambree, of course I am going in the hospital again, that is what happens, I always have to go back in we just always hope I can stay out later than the last time. Cambree continues to cry Cambree: But I'll miss you. Me: I know honey I will miss you too, I always miss you when I go, but I am not going hopefully anytime soon so dont worry about something thats not happening yet. (she has a tendency to do that type of thing) I continued to talk to Cambree about her feelings and try to understand what all the tears were about. I asked her if it scared her when I went in and why. She said it did and that she always gets sad and misses me. We continued this for a little bit and as I wanted to avoid it I felt that thing inside me, ( some of you may recognize it as the spirit) tell me now was the time and I would have help to know what to say. I finally asked her if she was scared that when I go in that I may not come back. With tears in her eyes all she could do was nod her head at me and say, "yes." I then told her that yes, people with CF dont always live along time, but I also told her some really personal stories about answers to prayers I have received and things that are talked about in my patriarchal blessing. I told her that when I was almost 16 I was going into the hospital for the first time and I was really scared and thought that meant that I wasnt going to live very long so I prayed to Heavenly Father that I would be able to get my patrarchal blessing before I went in and thankfully I did. I told her how it gave me peace of mind to know that I was going to get married and have children. I told her other things in my blessing that probably shouldnt be shared so freely but that have really helped me througout my life and with this illness to know that I could be here a while. I also told her that I will always be honest with her and if I ever get really sick and she needs to worry I will let her know. That she can always talk to me about her fears. I think all of these things gave her peace and I pray that this will not add anxiety to her life. I dont want her constantly worried that Im going to die. I hope it alleviated some unknowns to her that maybe scared her more due to her active imagination. She is such a smart kid and I knew she knew. I knew it, I think I have always known it. For a while I just didnt want to admit it and make it more real. I knew that she knew what CF meant and that was why it scared her so much. I just wasnt ready to deal with this topic until now and even now I have many doubts if it was really the right time. How do you know the right time to turn your 6 year old baby girl from a 6 year old child to a 6 year old child dealing with really adult issues? Although, when I think about it she has always been a child having to see the world through older eyes than most children. Sometimes I think this makes her more lovely to me but also saddens me. It somehow makes us more alike and brings me back to my childhood filled with toys and games and all the fun things that other children got to do but with real matters on my shoulders that no one else had to worry about. And I see my daughter differently now somehow older and wiser than she was when she woke up that morning and at times I wish I could take it all back and make her think that all is right in the world. But I know that I cant take it back and I will never be able to. In her mind she will always know without question that CF kills I just pray that by some miracle she wont ever have to see it take her mother. To see difficult conversations part I click here.

Pondering

Im just sitting here being lazy and pondering life. Ive been thinking a lot about my health lately and am so grateful for the amazing summer that I was able to have. I felt great the whole summer, better than usual. While I was thinking about that I remember blessing that Ben gave me about 3 years ago and I remember in it it told me that I would be able to do things I thought I would never be able to do. I remember both Ben and I were bawling and at the time we thought it meant I would be able to have a baby, which Im sure it did, just not the way we expected. As I look back over the past 3 years and all the enjoyable fun things we have done and how healthy I have felt this summer in particular I am amazed again at the power of the priesthood and the fulfillment of promises given. The other day my brother sent me a link to a blog about a guy with CF. It is actually a blog I read pretty frequently but I hadnt read this specific post he was referring too. The blog is www.runsickboyrun.blogspot.com. Anyway, it was about a 29 yr old CF woman who through running and exercise increased her PFTs from 49% to 106%. This is astonishing to say the least. I was very happy for this girl. But then I started thinking about me and all the effort I put into P90X and I couldnt help but start to get down and think, "I wish that would have happened to me." Then as I went to bed and woke up with a clearer head I remebered that did happen to me. At my lowest point of pregnancy although I could not do the breathing test because I was so sick, we figure my lung tests got down into the high teens, around 18% yes that is not a typo. It was crazy. I was on a ventilator twice and fortunately able to come off. Now when my PFTs are at there best they are around 48% that my friends is amazing and it was mostly due to my dedication in exercise. I walked 6 days a week for 30 min and did 4 breathing treatments a day after I had Cambree because I knew it was my choice whether I lived or died. That is a story for another day. But instead of getting down on myself all I needed was to remember what I have come from and how blessed I am to be able to enjoy life to the fullest!