Oh so many things!

Wow! I know it has been a while and so many things have been going on. Mothers Day, Cambree's dance recital, and her graduation from preschool. So first off, Mothers day was amazing. It is really the first mothers day that I have actually been home. The first two were spent in the hospital and the third we were driving home from California. So first off I woke up to Ben making me Crepes for breakfast, he is seriously the best crepe maker I know. Then Cambree gave me a beautiful picture of her and I, yes the one where she wanted to sit with Karole and not her mom. I will scan it when I get my scanner set up. Then Ben and Cambree gave me some awesome Nike Shocks, for exercise and a new journal. I was very excited. It is so amazing to me still that I am a mother and in charge of this little being that Heavenly Father sent us. It can sometimes be a daunting task, but I pray that we can do a good job. Thank you Ben and Cambree for a wonderful mothers day!

We also had Cambrees dance recital and it was so cute! she looked adorable, I can't believe how big she is gettting. Then after her dance her daddy got to go give her a flower and take her off the stage. It was adorable. I was so mad becuase Ben handed the camera over to me and I totally didnt know how to zoom out so I didnt get it on there. But here are some really cute pics.





Then it was on to Preschool graduation. She still has one year left, but it was fun to go and hear all that they have learned. She has grown so much this year, I am sad that preschool is over, it was so fun for her to get together with her friends. She is quite the social butterfly, I don't think she had a chance considering who her parents are.

Cambree and Adam, they have so much fun together

The proud parents

Grandma Kathy

Grandma and Grandpa Cox

Cambree with her two buds, we are going to miss them so much!

Happy Birthday Baby!

Yes I know that Cambree is no longer a baby. But I think I will forever call her my baby! We had a wonderful birthday for her on Saturday. We started off celebrating Friday night with just her mom and dad. Ben and I have always loved to take her out for her birthday to dinner and to do something fun. Since her party was the day of her birthday we did it the day before. We let her choose where she wants to go and for anybody that knows us too well you can only guess that Cambree picked Olive Garden. We had a really good time. We then went to Toys R Us to let her pick out something. My professor from Weber State has sent her money every year for her birthday so we always take her to pick something out. She loves it. We were then on our way home when I saw a carnival in the parking lot at the Provo Mall. I have seen this carnival every year but never stopped. I told Ben we had to go. He did reluctantly and we had the best time. Cambree loved every minute of it.


Cambree loves her calamari, I know weird


When we got our new car Cambree asked for a pink one. This is the best we could do.


Then it was on to the big bash. It was a great party and we had so many loved ones there. We are so grateful for all of the love and support that we receive. We are all so blessed. Cambree was spoiled and loved every minute of it. Ben tells me this is the last year of doing this. I say that too until the party comes and I see the joy in her face. Next year I think we will venture on to a friend party. I can't believe that my baby girl is so big. It is all so surreal. I just hope I can enjoy every moment of it.

Cambree blew out one candle at a time. I don't even know how that is possible

Her Pablo cake

She didnt quite know what to think of her new bike

Poor Uniqua getting beat to death

The happy family

Nostalgia

So around this time of year I always get a bit nostalgic. Well the definition of nostalgia is according to Webster: sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past. So I guess I am not sure that Nostalgia would be the best word for the feelings I get around this time of year.

I know I have shared bits here and there about having Cambree and the feelings and complications that went on. I hope I am not tiring in this subject. It is one that I hold very dear to me and is a time that I will forever hold in my memory as if it were yesterday. Ben and I grew so close during these trials and I never knew that I could love someone so much as I did him at that point, amazing that in those 4 years that love has only continued to swell. I also never knew that it would be so instantaneous to love such a little creature that just entered this world. One week from this Saturday will be our little girls birthday. I can hardly believe that she is already 4 years old. It is amazing to me how the time has flown but yet at times seemed like they took forever to get here. The first two years were very difficult and I still struggle, but it has been so amazing to see the transformation not only in Cambree, but in myself as a person, mind, body, and spirit. My testimony never could have strengthened the way it did by going through the trials I had with her.

At this time 4 years ago I had been in the hospital for 1 week and had some serious complications with my health. Cambree remained well through it all. Then about 1 week before she was born, Ben went home on a Sunday night only to receive a frantic phone call from his wife. I had started coughing up blood. I was horrified. I had coughed up blood before but I had never had another being in me as I did now and I had no idea how this would complicate things. Ben got right back in the car and drove the 1 1/2 hours to be by my side. He never left my side again until we returned home with our little one.

The doctors evaluated me for a while. I then coughed up blood again so they took me to ICU to be watched. I couldnt eat anything and was not happy about it. Nearing the end of the 24 hr period in ICU they were talking of putting me back down on the regular floor. My mom was getting ready to go home and as she was packing up said a prayer that if something was going to happen to let it happen now so she would know to stay. Low and behold within about a minute of the doctor leaving my bedside saying things looked good, it started up again. They ran and grabbed the doctor and within minutes I was out only to awake to my Dad, stepmom, brother and his wife. I was thinking it was 5 in the morning and couldnt believe that it was 5 in the afternoon. I had missed a whole day. They put me on the vent during that time and had to keep me sedated while they waited for another doc to come and work his magic. During this time I am told that a nurse was very negligent. Ben I don't think has ever wanted to take a life until this moment. Needless to say she gave me far too much sedation medicine at once rather than spreading it out over a period of time and I started to crash. She called for the crash cart and Ben nearly lost it. My heart rate was in the 30's. Cambree was stable amazingly. They got me back to where I should be and all was well. I of course don't remember any of this. I was in a very peaceful sleep.

So fast forward a few days...on saturday the 24th we were told that due to my leaking of amniotic fluid it was time to take the baby. They would start me Sunday evening and I would probably have her sometime Monday evening. Ben said he needed 6 more weeks to prepare to be a father. It was all happening so fast. I hadnt even had a baby shower yet and had nothing ready for the baby to come. I got a little panicky. Sunday night they started me and by Monday morning I had slept very little. I had a lot of discomfort in my back. They told me I had been having contractions all night. I still wasnt dialated only to a 1, but there was some progress. They decided to give me an epidural about 10:00 and by 10:30 they started me on the pit. At 10:45 (I believe, the times could be off a bit.) I started to cough up blood. Talk about nurses that freak out. She unhooked the pitossin, but didnt clamp my IV off so blood was going all down my arm. All I could think was what a moron. They need to teach some nurses how to act in time of crisis. I was then wheeled up to ICU in my bed. About 7 doctors stood around scratching their heads wondering what to do. They told us we had 3 options. There 4th option was squashed since they couldnt stop labor. This little girl was on her way and the contractions were getting much much bigger. They told me we could go ahead as normal but that there main concern would be me and not the baby. 2 have a C-section with me awake but agian I would be priority or 3- have an emergency C-section but Ben couldnt be in the room. We knew what our option really was but it was tough to know that Ben wouldnt be there. During all of this I knew that all would be well. That Cambree and I would be fine. I had been told in a blessing in the very beginning that Cambree and I would both be okay and I clung to that throughout my whole pregnancy.

I have no idea what time they wheeled me down to have the baby, but that was a very difficult moment leaving Ben there in the hallway. They prepped me before they began to put me out which I really hated. I am claustrophobic and this was not a fun experience. Then I remember being in my room and asking what time she was born and how much she weighed, was she pretty? I kept asking over and over agian not remembering that I had already asked that question. She was born at 2:08 p.m. and weighed 4 lbs. I had never seen anything so small.


This was the first time I held her a few days after she was born

I remember the first time I saw her. She was already 12 hours old. It was 2:00 a.m. and I couldn't wait to get my hands on her any longer. The doctor finally came in and said if you want to go now you can. I had been awake all night waiting to hear those beautiful words. It was time to meet my baby. Ben was asleep in the chair that he so faithfully slept in for the entire month. I had to muster all of my strength and energy to throw pillows to wake him up. He had had a rough day not knowing if I or Cambree or both would be okay. Emotionally draining as I am sure you all understand. Ben acted annoyed, but I knew he was as excited as I was. He of course had already seen her everyone had but me. Oh the unfairness of it all.

Ben wheels me down and takes me in to the NICU. He says to me, "this one is ours" I just looked at her as if I had never seen anything so beautiuful and in all honesty, I hadn't. She was perfect. The tears welled up and I couldn't speak. WE have it all on tape and there is so much I don't remember from being on the drugs. When I watch the tape I think, "wow I dont' remember saying that at all." I remember thinking that I wasn't just meeting her, that we had known each other for much longer. I couldn't believe how small she was and that she had actually been in my stomach not even 24 hours ago. It was all a little overwhelming. I didn't know how I was going to take care of such a fragile little thing. We couldn't hold her yet. Only touch her. We had to hold her head and her legs in our hands. She didn't like stroking. It was agitating to her. She was so small but yet so strong.

I remember in the days to come they would tell me that she was a bit fiesty. I laughed. She must be Ben and I's. They said that it was only when I was there that she was so calm and at peace and I knew that she knew I was her mother and could feel my presence. It is an amazing connection. She used to perk right up when I would walk into a room and she could hear my oxygen puffing. She always heard me coming.

As I had to leave that first night I remember Ben wheeling me out and hearing her cry. I just wanted to hold her and comfort her and I knew that was all that she wanted as well and it broke my heart. I just began to cry. It still amazes me all that we have been through together in so little of time. I look so forward to the many birthdays that I pray we are able to share.

The Lord has blessed our lives so incredibly. It is hard to describe the love that we feel from Him. We are so grateful for all that we have been given!

My Benny

Since Ben is gone all week on training in North Carolina, and I am missing him terribly, I decided I would post about him. 1. What is your husbands name? Benjamin Alma Pehrson 2. How long did you date? this is a tricky one. We started dating on Sept. 13, 1997 thanks to me. Broke up in April of 1999, again thanks to me, got back together in June of 1999 yes, once again thanks to me. Then dated including his two year mission until June 7 2002. So all in all about 5 years. 3. How old is he? 27, I'm older, how sad 4. Who eats more? Most of the time I do. He was amazed when we first started dating how much I could eat 5. Who said I love you first? He did and it scared the crap out of me. I told him thanks and gave him a hug. Poor boy. 6. Who is taller? He is, but we are both short 7. Who sings better? Well according to singstar he does, but he won't sing in front of anyone unless it is singstar. 8. Who is smarter? I like to say me, but it just probably isnt true 9. Who does the laundry? I do, but he will do a load here and there and will do it when I am in the hospital. Great guy! 10. Who pays the bills? I am our accountant. That is my official title. 11. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does and always has. 12. Who mows the lawn? If we had a lawn it would definitley be him 13. Who cooks? I do, Ben cooks breakfast sometimes and it is always fantastic 14. Who drives? He does, he really doesnt like anyone else to drive. 15. Who is more stubborn? Definately him, I have become much less stubborn over our nearly 6 years of marriage 16. Who kissed who first? He kissed me on our second date, it was so quick like banging two heads together 17. Who asked who out? I asked him to the Preference dance, but he wanted to ask me out he was just chicken 18. Who proposed? Well technically he did, but I had the dress and centerpieces all ready and told him I wanted a ring before graduation day at Weber. I really considered proposing to him and totally surprising him. I decided not to 19. Who has more friends? I think Ben probably has more friends, but we have become close with each others friends 20. Who is more sensitive? Definately me. Ben doesnt show a lot of emotion. I got much worse after I had Cambree 21. Who has more siblings? Yes, that would be me. 6 sisters and 4 brothers. Yours mine and ours 22. Who wears the pants? I hate to wear dresses, we share this role:) Ben is amazing and helps me so much. He is a great dad and a wonderful husband and Cambree and I are really missing him and his crazy ways!

Recalling Easter

Cambree came down in our bed this morning and as she lay there and I thought of the things going on today I couldnt help but reflect on Easter four years ago. Little did I know what lay before me. The exact date is failing me now, but it was the first weekend in April when everything started. I mostly recall this because it was conference weekend (Easter is coming very early this year). At the time I was very naive and 31 weeks pregnant.

I had been having a little rib pain and some labored breathing, but didnt think too much of it. I figured, " I have a baby growing inside me, who wouldnt have a difficulty breathing?" That is until I got in the shower on Sunday morning and as I was getting out I cleared my throat and as I did so I heard a small pop and the pain that shot through me was like 1000 little knives digging into my side. It nearly brought me too my knees. I then wincing in pain went and woke Ben up. I told him what had happened and we hurried to the ER in Mt. Pleasant. Anyone that has ever been to the ER in Sanpete County will understand the frustration. I sat in the ER in considerable pain for 30 min. or longer waiting for the ER doctor to arrive, all I could think was, well at least Im not dying or we could really have some problems. I explained what happened. He didnt seem too concerned and didnt want to do X-rays for fear of harming the baby. He sent me home with some pain pills and a pat on the back.

My parents got me a comfortable chair to sit, sleep in and as I sat there that night I got a phone call from my Bishop asking me to speak next sunday, Easter sunday. I was to speak on the atonement. My thoughts were, well if I say yes then I know the Lord will bless me to be able to do it. The week that follows is a bit of a blur. I slept a lot, had a lot of pain. I did go to my CF doctor the next day and they put me on oxygen continuously. This was new to me and I hated it. I knew I needed it though and wanted to make sure the baby was well taken care of. I didnt do my lung tests because of the pain in my side and neither I nor my doctor thought I should be admitted into the hospital at this point.

I wrote my talk and I guess the main point that I am even sharing all of this is to share what my talk was about, seeing as how it will soon be Easter. I remember waking up that morning and realizing that I was definitely in more trouble than I had otherwise considered. I was needing 4 litres of oxygen at a time and was still quite breathless, my fingertips were blue, which indicates I am not getting enough oxygen. The machine I had only went up to 4. I went to church and how I was every able to get through this talk I will never know.

This is right after I spoke in Sacrament. Its amazing how good I look considering how sick I was

I spoke of a time when I was at Weber State (at the time 2 years previous, now it being 6 years ago) and having difficulty with my health...

It was my second year at Weber and I had been coughing up some blood. Nothing major, but it didnt seem to cease. I had had one major episode at Disney on ice. I remember my brother giving me a blessing and I was in the hospital within a few days. My mom came up to be with me and would not leave my side. I told her she was being silly, but moms know best. I am now very grateful for a mothers intuition. Our first night in the hospital I woke around 3:00 a.m. to an awful feeling, you know the feeling where you know that something isnt quite right? I began to cough and felt a pool forming in my lungs, It felt as though I could drown at any moment. I ran to the bathroom threw the light on and began to cough into the toilet. Bright red blood began to fill what was once a porcelein fixture. My mom rushed in and to much surprise was as calm as I have ever seen her. If any of you know my mom you know she isnt always calm, especially in crisis situation. Although I am not sure that we had ever experienced this type of crisis before. As I stood there leaning over the toilet all I could think of was my Savior. I remember thinking, "its really interesting that this is what I would think of at this moment." I remember thinking of him in Gethsemane bleeding from every pore and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He had experienced this exact moment on my behalf and if He could go through this then I could get through it as well with His help. I remember there being chaos around. The nurses running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but all I felt was a calmness and a peace surrounding me. I knew that my Savior had experienced more than I could ever imagine and He would carry me through to the end.

I found the words that I spoke very comforting as I went on to the hospital the next day to experience more than I ever could have imagined. Its amazing to me how time works. Six years ago I was coughing up more blood than I could ever recall, 4 years ago I was very pregnant entering the hosptial not knowing if I would come out before my baby was born and now, here I sit with a lovely daughter and an amazing husband. It feels like yesterday that theses moments in my life occurred but yet the process to get where I am seems like it took forever. I believe we recall these moments in our lives with such clarity so that we will never forget what has brought us to where we are. We may not remember every detail of how we got here, but the major events will help us to never forget. I know that our Savior lives and that He is constantly here for us and constantly aware of our situation. He has been there and He knows whatever we go through. This is how we become closer with Him. The "refiners fire."

Alma 7:11-12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Tag--GOTCHA

What was I doing 10 years ago? I was trying to figure out what I was going to be doing after graduation. Dating the most amazing guy! Just getting done with cheerleading and wondering if it was something I would want to do in College. I didnt. Deciding that I didnt want to live with friends at College, just strangers. Not sure that was the best decision, I got quite the roomie. Missing my brother on a mission. Going to lunch everyday with Annie, Karen, and Tyler. I was really excited to graduate, but had mixed emotions as I am sure most do. I didnt have near the worries or cares that I do now, although I think in High School we are a little oblivious to what the world holds. I thought that nothing could get in my way of what I wanted for a career. I was thinking that advertising would be a great career choice. It was definitley not for me. I guess creativity is a prerequisite. I was awaiting all that the world held and knew that a family was all I truly ever wanted. 5 things on my to do list! 1-Make dinner 2-Still unpack from the hospital 3-clean the house (always on my to do list) 4-Make invitations for my young women 5-I am actually thinking I need to start getting my food storage ready. SO overwhelming. What snacks do I enjoy? I love triscuits with squeeze cheese, Hawaiian punch, beef jerky, cereal, and licorice. What would I do if I was suddenly a Billionaire? Its funny, Ben and I actually had this conversation the other night. We would help those in our ward that are struggling. Especially the Young women and young men that we work with. We would buy our parents houses and get them out of debt. We would get ourselves out of debt. Travel, Save, go to 3rd world countries and help do some good there. Charities. oh and of course tithing, unless we won it gambling because then they wouldnt want our money. Oh wait, we don't gamble (shhh....) Five Places I have lived... 1-Fairview, and back again 2-Ephraim 3-Ogden, loved it! 4-Orem, still miss it 5- well I guess there is only 4 Five Jobs I've had... 1-A teachers aide for a the summer migrant program 2-Pizza girl at Cavalier Pizza 3-Secretary in the Criminal Justice Dept. at Weber state 4-Professional Parent Coordinator 5-MOTHER! Five Things that people didn't know about me... Most of the things that you didnt know about me you do now because of my top 28 stupidest things that I have ever done. Okay, I will try to come up with some more. 1-I was acutally really annoyed with Ben the first time I met him. I thought he was a rich snob. He definitely was not rich. ;) 2-Most mornings I don't get up until 9:00. I know I am so lazy. I do exercise most days though. 3- I get very embarrassed about having nice things. Our car, our house. I really had a hard time having people see our house. 4-Not working was a very hard transition for me. I had a very difficult time. Not that I didnt love being home with my daughter, I just didnt feel like I was doing much for anyone and it was hard to not feel needed like you feel when you have ajob. I know people will probably take that wrong, take it in the positive route. Not that Ben or CAmbree didnt need me. Just not getting the accalades and such that you do with work . 5-When I got really sick and had to be on oxygen I was very insecure. I would avoid people I knew in stores and didnt want to see anyone. I got better towards the end of the year and a half and I like to think if i get there again I would be better, but it was very difficult on my self-esteem. 3 bad habits- 1-I pick a lot, if I have a scab or something on my arm or really anywhere I will continue to pick it. I have a lot of scars because of this. I know gross! 2-I don't think it is a bad habit but Ben does, sleeping with socks on. I can't sleep without them. 3-Getting addicted to television shows. I love my DVR it has saved my life. I tag, Annie, Erin and I would like to hear Jakes as well, Karole, Roshelle, Janille, and Whit

Not You Mom!

Its always amazing the day you realize that you arent the favorite person in your daughter's life. The one that she always wants to be with. Yesterday was picture day for preschool, they were going to have a class picture, but first they needed to get a picture with their mom. Of course I tried to get Cambree all cute, and tried to at least look presentable myself. Karole came and picked us up. We got to the door and Karole went first with each individiual boy and then it was my turn. I sit down on the bench and tell Cambree to come. Cambree: (crying) I want to get my picture with Karole! Me: (trying to avoid the crying fit that would make her look like we had just gone the rounds in her pictures) "Just come sit with me and have your picture taken." Cambree: I want to sit with Karole! Me: (to avoid any other conflict) Fine you can sit with her for one minute and then its my turn. Cambree sits with Karole and they have a great mother daughter shot, then its my turn. We'll see how this turned out. Honestly, if it had been anybody else I would have probably been crushed. I am just glad that she loves Karole as much as I do. Believe me I would have rather been sitting with Karole too. That was obviously a joke. I love when Cambree is bawling and making a scene.