Say What?

For years I have known I have a hearing problem. My left ear is much worse than my right. It's always been kind of a joke within the family. I'm all about joking about the many ailments of my body. After my last hospital stay in Feb. I noticed a significant change in my hearing. It was pretty concerning seeing as how I already had trouble hearing. My family noticed it too. Some conversations were getting frustrating both for me and whomever I was speaking with. I was also becoming slightly embarrassed having to keep asking people to repeat themselves, especially people I don't know very well.

I decided it was time to take the plunge and revisit the ENT. Especially ine my insurance covers them t the U of U hospital again. My appointment was on Friday. To say I was/am a little discouraged is an understatement. During the test I knew I was failing miserably. After the test the lady came in and showed me the change that had occurred within a 3 year span. It was significant, surprisingly on both sides. I had to hold back the tears. When meeting with the dr. We decided to do surgery on my right ear and patch up the hole in my ear drum. Hopefully this will help my hearing improve somewhat. We will see how that goes and then decide whether to try the left ear.

I'm quite surprised at how much this news affected me. I mean, come on, I knew I was deaf. There was no denying it. For some reason seeing it on paper and seeing how much loss has occurred in such a short time, well, I wasn't prepared for that. My husband asked me why I let numbers affect me so much? You see, with CF my lung tests are based on numbers. The lower the numbers the worse I am. I always tell myself don't go by the numbers it's all in how you feel. It's a lot easier to say than to always do. Sometimes I think I make myself think I'm okay. I think it's a survival technique I've come up with, pretend all is well until someone or some numbers tell you otherwise. So unfortunately I let the numbers affect me more than I like. I'm trying to not be discouraged. M trying to tell myself it will all be okay. I'm in complete denial that a hearing aide may be in my near future. And I'm trying desperately to ignore the fact that CF has yet again taken something from me.