What A Difference A Year Makes

As crazy as it seems, it was exactly one year ago today that I was admitted to the hospital. First of all, the last time I have gone a year without a hospital stay was over a decade ago. This is marking some new territory and I hope it stays that way. Secondly, it was also exactly a year ago that we went to court for all our surrogacy legalities.

There is actually quite a story involved and yet another miracle for court working out exactly as it did, but that my have to be told at a later date. What I actually want to write about is what happened during court. I remember it very vividly, it is one of those moments that changes you, makes you better, and leaves you in awe of the tender mercies and love that the Lord has for you.

Our appearance in front of the judge was actually in the judges chambers. I remember sitting in a chair and everything seeming so surreal, this was it, this was the start of our child coming to be. I remember looking at both Spencer and Abby and thinking, wow, we are really doing this. They are really going on this journey with us. What happened next was something I never would have expected. Quoting from my journal:

"Our lawyer was stating the medical necessity for surrogacy (in UT it is required to have a medical need.) and was discussing my health and the fact that I would most likely not survive another pregnancy and that I almost didn't survive the first one. (This coming from a letter my Dr. wrote. It's really kind of surreal listening to someone tell your story from their perspective. As he spoke I felt a flood of memories from the past 6 years come pouring in washing over me. I felt all the heartache and hard work in getting healthier and struggling with the decision to have another baby, constantly wondering if I would survive or bounce back like I did before. Suddenly everything I had been through was validated and now was the time to move on from all of those emotions and know that this was the Lords plan all along. This is where he had led me, led us and none of it was done in vain. I felt a release from those past struggles and an overwhelming peace and joy for the future. It took everything I had to hold back the tears that were bursting inside of me. It was finally happening, the baby I had been waiting for, that had been waiting for me was closer than ever. I knew this was His plan and none of us could deny it."

Now exactly one year later I am overcome with emotion at the sweetness that is my life. I am filled with gratitude and joy beyond belief and I know there are still many amazing experiences left to fulfill. My God is a good God! He is full of love, joy, and mercy and I look forward to the continued journey He is leading me and my sweet family on.