A lot of holidays

Here are a bunch of pics from all the holidays I've missed:) They are completely backwards so if you want to start at the bottom and go up they will be in order. Otherwise just take a walk through my memory lane of the past 3 months. Oh and I am home from the hospital and doing fantastic! Seriously I am back to a great workout regime and feeling great! Happy St. Pattys Everyone! Surprise! Its green. Ive had 3 of my nephews staying with me the past 3 days so this morning I decided to get up and make green pancakes, green eggs, and green OJ. They thought it was pretty cool, except at first they thought I had put spinach in it to make it green since there mom does that with some dinners for nutritional value. My nephew Kaleb saw what I was making and I said, "surprise its green!" (this is kind of an inside family joke) He looked at me with a little disgust and said, "You're worse than my mom." LOL I thought that was hilarious. I then informed him it was just food coloring. He was excited after that. Cambree's valentine bucket. I got this great idea from my cousin Amy's blog. I thought it turned out so cute and Cambree loved it.

Happy Birthday to Benny! He turned 29. We love him so much and are so thankful he is in our lives. I got him an ipod touch for his birthday, unfortunately we were staying in a hotel and who knows what happened but it didnt end up home with us. He knows he put it in his bag. So sad, he felt sick and it is still a sore subject.

This is the cake that I made for my nephews Josh and Jake. They turned 5. Unfortunately, I didnt get a picture with them and the cake. Cambree getting ready for churchin her new Christmas dress whilst listening to her Mp3 player. It is so cute to listen to her sing. I think she has an awesome voice. Sledding! I dont think I really need to explain this pic. It speaks for itself, but I am pretty sure both Abby and I peed a little.

Such a great Christmas!

Bens new watch. He wants a new watch every year, and usually gets it.

My girl lovin me for her book I made her.

Lovin her dad for her new "ipod" no its not a real ipod, its made by disney, but very cute.

Opening her Mp3 player

The perfect brownie. Cambree gave this to her dad. He loved it, although, its more work than it looks like on the infomercial to get the perfect brownie. Of course:

Cambree loving Christmas!

What Santa dropped off. Dont you just love that vanity? Cambree adores it. She is getting so big!

My sis, Cambree and I, sportin new pajamas. I thought this was a cute pic of the three of us.

Christmas Eve with the Ericksens! Santa and Mrs. Claus, Cambree was so excited!

Christmas Eve.

Watching Christmas movies with daddy. I thought this was a really sweet picture.

Kaleb Duffy's 9th birthday. His mom and little sister were sick so Abby (his mom) made the cake and then Spencer and the boys came over to celebrate.

Decorating the tree. I just love decorating for Christmas. I know these pics are so late, but I had to still post them. I hope everyone is having the best year yet! I have a feeling its going to be a good one!

Difficult conversations

Well it has happened. A day that I continually wondered about and have slightly dreaded. My daughter is getting older and having a more difficult time with me going in the hospital. I knew it would happen. I knew that it wouldnt always be such an exciting thing to come stay in the hospital with mommy and it be a "party". I knew one day she would realize that not all moms do medicine and go in the hospital. That not all moms cough all the time and take pills when they eat. I just didnt know however, that my beyond her years daughter would realize all of this at the tender age of 5. From the day Cambree has been born I have struggled with what to tell her about my disease. I believe in being really honest with your kids, but I also believe that children shouldnt have to deal with adult situations. I remember reading an article once about this very topic, about a parent that is sick and what to tell your children. It gave me a bit of clarity on the situation. It said that yes, be honest about what is going on, but not necessarily give all the scary details. I decided then and there to be really honest with Cambree. I would always let her know when I was coming in the hospital, when I was sick and that I had Cystic Fibrosis. I decided that I would tell her that this disease is taking my life only when I am at that stage and up until then reassure her of how much the hospital and my medicine helps me to be strong. I dont want her to learn from a text book that this disease is progressive and that the life expectancy is at 38 right now. I want to help her understand that medicine is progressing at a rapid pace and new things are being discovered. I want her to always know I will be honest and if I am really sick I will let her know that I am really sick. I just dont need to tell her all of this right now. Well the past couple of hospital visits Cambree cries a lot before I go in. It breaks my heart. I knew this time that I needed to be really honest about what was happening and hopefully try to alleviate some of her anxiety about it. About a week ago I thought for sure that I was going in the hospital. I told Cambree this and she cried a lot. I always try to get her to understand her emotions. To put words with her feelings. I asked if she was crying because she was sad, scared, angry etc? She said she was sad and she just wants me home with her. We continued our conversation. I talked about how life isnt always fair but thankfully because we have hospitals I can go and get the help I need. I tried to have her understand how good the hospital is for me. That they take good care of me and help me to have more energy when I come out. I asked her if she remembered why I go in the hospital and do medicine she said, "yes." I asked, "what is it called?" She looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, "I dont want to." I then realized that she knew it was something bad and she was scared to say it. Maybe that is because if she says it, it makes it more real. The next night we had a similar conversation and I began to talk about difficult things. I told her that everyone has hard things to deal with. That Heavenly Father gives us these hard things to help us to be stronger, to bring us closer to Him so that we can know Him better and depend on Him. I told her to pray while I am gone to see if she feels more comfort. I told her that my hard thing is to have Cystic Fibrosis and to have to do medicine all the time and go in the hospital. She then asked, "Whats my hard thing?" I said, "Well, its not easy to have a mom that is sick and goes in the hospital." Cambree said, "and cleaning, cleaning is a hard thing." I just laughed and agreed. She then asked what her dads hard things were. I said, "Its not the easiest thing to have a wife that is sick that has to go in the hospital. I said, "you know when daddy was little like you he didnt have a daddy. He never knew who his daddy was and that is a hard thing." I continued to tell her that everyone has hard things and sometimes you might think that your hard thing is harder than others but to always remember that although it may not seem like what they have to go through is as hard, its hard to them because they are going through it. I told her to always appreciate that it is hard for them even if it seems easy to you. We cried together and cuddled and I gave her a piece of paper with my number on it so she could call me anytime. She was so happy about that you would think I had given her gold. I didnt end up going in the hospital that day, but I am here now and I have given her another piece of paper with my name and she loves that she can call me anytime. Cambree is truly an amazing child. I couldnt have gotten a better daughter that could deal with what we deal with and still be the bright happy girl that she is. She truly is my sunshine. I hope that I handle these situations right and that these things will help her, as they have helped me to draw closer to her Savior Jesus Christ to know that He loves her and he has felt all of her pain and sorrow. I pray that I can teach her that.

Reflections

Christmas post is coming:) I have been thinking a lot about the past year and about the past decade. Wow how time flies and oh how Ive grown. Some accomplishments over the past decade: Graduated from Weber State with my Bachelors in Psychology with honors Spoke at that graduation Waited for my missionary Married that missionary Had a beautiful amazing daughter Learned more about life and love than I ever could have imagined Found out just how strong I am, mentally and physically Gained a greater love and testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ and am so greatful for the trials so i could understand the blessings. Accomplishments this year: Went out of the country Sent my baby to Kindergarten Got released from Young Womens and now teach the amazing 11 year olds Turned 30 and had the most amazing bash Gained a greater eternal perspective and most importantly learned and accepted my limitations I think the greatest lesson I learned this year is that although what might seem like we understand the answers we are receiving to prayers can often be misinterpreted by our small minded earthly perspective I have learned that the Lord will lead us as long as we are willing to be lead even if we have no idea where he is taking us. Goals for the coming year: Teach my daughter to tie her shoes:) Be a better mother Have more patience Get back into a good exercise program Study the gospel more earnestly Become closer to my Savior while continually striving to have His will become my will I hope that everyone can find what it is they are seeking for this year and that they can always turn to the Lord for answers and comfort. I know that His door is always open, is ours?

The best surprise party ever!

I have been trying to post this all week, but life has been yet again crazy tyring to get ready for Christmas. On December 19th I got the biggest surprise I have ever received. My amazing husband spent weeks trying to get this ready for me and hoping beyond hope that I would truly be surprised. I am going to be 30 on the 28th of December, I still cant quite believe it. But, I have been telling Ben for years that I want a 30th birthday party, not just any birthday party, a surprise birthday party. I would tell everyone this. Everyone would say to me, well if you know about it its not going to be a surprise boy did they underestimate my hubby. On that Saturday we were planning on going to Provo and meeting friends for lunch. I would normally be very excited and happy about this. However, seeing as how we had just spent tons of money on Christmas and we had a Christmas party at 4:00 that afternoon, I didnt see how on earth we would be able to meet them. I gave Ben crap about it for days. Finally, Saturday is here and I am getting Cambree and I ready. My amazing husband spent most of the morning cleaning our house. I thought he was just being nice because he knew I wanted a clean house for Christmas. Around 11:00 Ben tells me he is getting called out to work and is ticked because he hopes he will be done in time to go meet our friends Jake and Erin for lunch. We were supposed to leave at noon. Noon comes and I call Ben he says he still has a couple of things left to do but he will hurry. I'm freaking a little because we are already on a tight schedule to be back by 4. Finally at about 12:15 Ben comes and we hurry and run out the door. As we are pulling out he "remembers" that he forgot to do something at the office. We run over there and he tells Cambree and I that we need to come in. I keep telling him I will just wait in the car. He says its going to be about 10 min. So I come in and I had just been coughing in the car so I was out of breath. He starts going down the stairs. I say, "are you kidding me? I am going to take the elevator." He says, "Just come on." So I come. We turn to go in the big room where the Cox party is going to be held later and low and behold there are about 100 people standing in the dark. I hear SURPRISE! and the lights come on. My eyes start to well up and I dont hear anything after that. I look around and see all of these familiar faces that I know and love so much. Then I see my dear friend Karole that is supposed to be in Arizona and I began to cry even more. It was simply the most amazing thing. Nearly 100 people all there for me the love that I felt in the room was more than I can explain. It was truly perfect! I went around and hugged everyone, I felt bad that I didnt get to spend quality time with everyone. Ben had this great idea of instead of having people bring gifts, to bring a letter wrapped up of their favorite memory of me and their feelings about me. I couldnt open them at the the party because that would take too long. I did open Bens along with my present from him which was a trip to Hawaii!!! I cant believe he did that. We leave in April and I am so excited. After I got home I opened all of my presents. I still didnt read them because I knew I just needed time to myself to read them all and take it all in. After our Cox Christmas party I read every letter and just let the tears flow. There were many times when I had no idea who these people were talking about could that really be how they see me? It was amazing to read though, people think much too highly of me. I truly received the best gifts I could have ever received to be able to see myself through other peoples eyes. I truly have the most amazing family and friends anyone could ever hope for. This birthday is a very special birthday to me. Most people dread turning 30, but I have been looking so forward to it. I remember when I was in High School and wondering if 30 was even something I could hope for and I am here now and see where I have come from and what I have experienced and it truly is a miracle that I am here and I pray that there will be many many more ahead. I feel better than I have in years and I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for preserving my life to have all of these wonderful experiences. As I look ahead I see great things happening for our family. We are so very blessed and it is hard to put into words the way my heart is overflowing with love and appreciation for my most amazing husband and beautfiul daughter my life is truly complete because they are in it. I want to thank each one of you, my friends for your love and support through the years and for all that each of you individually for all that you have taught me and helped me to be the person that I am. Words cannot express how grateful I am to have you in my life. I love you all and hope that we all have many more years together! Me being completely speechless and crying.

I just opened my gift from Ben

All of Bens family that was able to be there. They are so good to me. My Ericksen family, Benji and Jenny had to leave so they werent able to get in the pictures. What an amazing bunch!

My Cox family again amazing people!

A few of my friends that were able to be there, Karole and I had matching shirts, how crazy is that? My crazy husband that would absolutely do anything in the world for me and I hope he knows I would do the same.

Halloween and New family pics

Not much has been going on with us lately. I never feel like I have anything to blog about so I just let it go for months without saying anything. We are just plugging along in this crazy life and trying to enjoy every bit of it. Cambree just keeps learning more and more and never ceases to amaze me with her attention to detail. She is quite the little eavesdropper as well. She is listening to every word I say. I have to be really careful. Ben is plugging along at work continuing to learn and grow and I am just trying to stay out of the hospital during this awful "swine" flu season. So far so good. I hope I can continue to do well. Here are our new family pics and pics from Halloween. Hopefully I'll be a bit more prompt after Christmas! Cambree and her daddy! Ben and I have not had a "good" picture taken of us since our engagements, so I thought it was time to try for a new one.

Our little family. We dont change much from year to year, but I felt like after 2 years we needed a new picture.

My Juliet and Gnome, arent they a great pair?

Cambree getting ready for the school parade. She is such a beautiful Juliet.

All the crazies for our annual Ericksen Halloween party.

First day of school and grandmas birthday

So its been quite some time since I blogged and so much has happened. First and foremost, my baby started Kindergarten. I cannot believe it. The first day was actually not bad, we got to go with her and just get the rundown. Then came the second day when I had to go and just leave my baby there. She was so prepared and didnt look back. I went and got back in the car and I'll admit I cried a little. I cant believe how big she is. She is so smart and I am amazed at all she learns everyday. We also celebrated my grandmas birthday. I was so happy that we could go and celebrate with her. This summer we had a scare and I was worried she wouldnt be here with us. I am going to have an awful time when that time really does come but I am so thankful that we can still enjoy her while she is here. She is such an amazing woman and I love her dearly!

3 generations! We have so much fun together. Me and my grammy

So happy about the first day of school

Isnt she just the cutest?

Her Diamonds

So I absolutely love Rob Thomas and most of the music that he puts out. I loved matchbox 20 and I love that he went solo as well. When the new song Her Diamonds came out I knew it was a very deep and emotional song. I then read an article about the new album he put out and it mentioned what the song her diamonds was all about. It is about his wife that has an autoimmune disease. I looked up the words to read them more closely and I just began to cry. Every so often I come across a song that describes something in my life so clearly. As I read the words, clear images of Ben and I came to my mind and I thought of the nights like this that it is describing. For the most part I am able to deal with CF with dignity and grace, but every now and again I get overwhelmed with the dealings of it all and it spills out into the night as pent up raw emotions. It doesnt happen very often and I usually only need a little bit and then I am fine, but eventually it always comes. I felt like this song portrays very well what I cant put into words. I am pretty sure it is a great way of how Ben feels which is really what made me cry. Although a somewhat depressing song for me. I absolutley love it! Her Diamonds Oh what the hell she says I just can’t win for losing And she lays back down Man there’s so many times I don’t know what I’m doing Like I don’t know now By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes Says it’s funny how the night Can make you blind I can just imagine And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do But if she feels bad then I do too So I let her be Chorus And she says uuuh I can’t take no more Her tears like diamonds on the floor And her diamonds bring me down Cause I can’t help her now She’s down in it She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s Hard to see them on the ground Her diamonds falling down She sits down and stares into the distance And it takes all night And I know I could break her concentration Oooh but it don’t feel right By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes Sits down on the bed and starts to cry And there’s something less about her And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do So I sit down and I cry too Don’t let her see Chorus And she says uuuhI can’t take no more Her tears like diamonds on the floor And her diamonds bring me down Cause I can’t help her now She’s down in it She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s Hard to see them on the ground Her diamonds falling down Bridge She shuts out the night Tries to close her eyes If she can find daylight She’ll be all right She’ll be all right Just not tonight Chorus And she says oooh I can’t take no more Her tears like diamonds on the floor And her diamonds bring me down CauseI can’t help her now She’s down in it She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s Hard to see them on the ground Her diamonds falling down(repeat) I can’t take no more Diamonds on the floor Her diamonds falling down I can’t take this diamonds falling down