What would I say?

So forgive me, I'm currently on ambien and should just go to bed. I have all these thoughts running through my mind and I need to get them out. I'm sitting here watching Gene Simmons family jewels (my guilty pleasure). And they are dealing with a lot of hard issues for marriage. Gene had to write shannons eulogy as part of the healing process. Anyway, throughout this day I have thought greatly about all of the family support that I am given, especially when I am in the hospital. I sit and look at the pictures I have of my beautiful family and I wonder how I got to be where I am. I am so very blessed. I sit in this small hospital room left with my thoughts and I pray that my family knows the sheer joy and love that they bring to me. More importantly I hope they know the undescribable love and overwhelming bliss that I have for having each one of them in my life. They make my life bright when I didn't know it was dark.

For Ben, I never believed that true love was possible and that it was only something dreams and fairytales were made of. I never could have imagined how amazing our life would turn out. We are truly blessed. My life is truly enriched because of you. It s because of you that I am able to see the worth that I possess and I am grateful to you for that. Our love continues to grow each day and there are times I look at you when you aren't looking and I smile. That smile represents all that we have been through and the excitement that lies before us. You make every moment more full.

My sweet Cambree, you have given me a gift that I didnt know I needed. The gift of perseverance. I didn't know bringing you here was going to be filled with such trial and triumph. I am so grateful for the experiences I had. Through those trials, they have helped me know my Savior better and trust in Him completely. I'm grateful for your sweet spirit and your bigger than life attitude. The love I have for you makes me weep sometimes for the overabbundance of joy and worry I feel for you. You have had to deal with so much at such a young age, yet you still have such a love and zest for life. The care that i see you give your brother makes my heart happy. I pray that you will always watch out or him. You amaze me everyday and I am so thankful that I get to raise such a bright, loving, caring little munchkin!

Baby boy Lawson, I struggled for many years trying to bring you here and seeing you born was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. It was as if a weight was taken from my shoulder and I knew that you were the missing piece to the puzzle of our family! I often wondered, already having such a beautiful love for your sister if we would be able to make that connection with you. The first time I laid eyes on you I was smitten. Sometimes I feel as if though our souls connect and no words need to be spoken. You are my bubbers and I try to not miss a moment of all the changes that occur daily. Eleven moths have already passed and yet it seems like ive only blinked and suddenly you aren't a baby anymore. I want to capture every moment. Your personality is hilarious and I can't wait to see what awaits you. I pray that both you and your sis will love the lord as your dad and I do and know of the gospels truthfulness for yourself.

Please know as your mother I will always do my best to take care of my health so I can be here for all of you. I do it for each of you. I work hard for you Cambree, Lawson and Ben. Without y'all I would have nothing. I know that my strength comes from each of you and I am so grateful for the support you each give me. I Pray my children will always come to me if questions arise about life, friends, and my health. I'm always here and will always be honest with you. I pray that you all can feel the love that I have bursting from within me for you.

I look at my life, and I want for nothing! I am so blessed.