Thoughts

As I have tried to put my thoughts and feelings to pen these past couple of weeks about having a baby boy no words seem to suffice for the magnitude of what is unfolding in our lives. Something I havent really shared is how worried we have been about the baby and Abby. Abby was on "almost" bedrest for the past month due to bleeding and what is called a subchronic hemmorage (I think) It has been very worrisome and hard for me to sit back and watch knowing that I am the reason for this disruption in her life. How do you do almost bedrest with 4 children? Let me just say it hasnt been easy. Abby has done fabulous but I know it has not been easy for her. Thankfully, and somewhat miraculously it seems to have cleared up. Up until this point it has been hard to actually talk about the baby with so many things to worry about. But after this last ultra sound to see how big he is and to actually find out that it is actually a HE, it is all becoming so much more real. As we sat watching our baby move and kick around it was so incredible to see how big he has gotten in a month. Things are so much more defined and you actually see a real baby squirmming. I shed many tears during the ultrasound. I thought I was looking at a boy but didnt want to get my hopes up until the tech said it truly was. Then all my emotion came to the surface and all that I have been going through for the past 2 1/2 years to get my baby boy here was all validated. Every answer to prayer was coming true and everything I felt I had received through prayer was being fulfilled. Finally, our family would be whole once again. The emotion that comes with these realizations is something that cannot be explained. I wish that I was a better writer and could dazzle you all with what I was feeling, but it was unlike anything I can explain. All I know is that both of my children have a greater purpose than I can even imagine. Both their stories of coming to life are quite miraculous. After the ultrasound I had no words for Abby, all I could say was "thank you" and give her a hug, pathetic, I know. After all she is doing and has done, thank you just seems so futile. I will never be able to repay her for her gift. What do you do for someone that is helping to make all your dreams and prayers come to be? I never knew that someone could receive so much from our Heavenly Father. I feel so unworthy of all that He is blessing me with and again stand with my arms out at a loss as to how to be grateful enough or say thank you enough. Everything pales in comparison to what I am being given. I pray someday I can be the person that He hopes me to be. To be worthy of the blessings that He is so freely giving me. But for now a heart that is bursting with gratitude and tear filled eyes of joy is all that I can offer my angel of a sister and my loving Heavenly Father.